HEISGIRL: Fodder From a Female Football Fan

Vegas Bay-bay

2007-07-08T20:05:00.001-05:00

I left Vegas just about a week ago, and I'm still f-ing tired. We had a rad ass time. Like probably one of the top three greatest times I've ever had in my life...this is despite the fact that I spent the first nite not in the city of sin but in the city of cheese...Milwaukee. Ladies and gents, I implore you...never fly Midwest Airlines. No matter how cheap them g-d tickets are. JUST DON'T DO IT!!

If you are curious what our weekend was like, I feel this video sums it up pretty accurately (Thank you Mealz):

To actually summarize, we spent Friday at a pool party at the Palms, Friday night bowling and drinking with the guys, Saturday wandering the strip looking hot, and Saturday night tearing that shit up at RumJungle, Pure, and Ghost Bar. We saw the sun rise when we left the Palms on Saturday night/Sunday morning. It was simply stunning.

Anyways, that's all I pretty much feel like sharing (and I'll that I'm legally bound to). Now I'm just counting down the days until I see m'girls again on Saturday for a week of f-u-n before Sass's wedding. On the agenda: More dancing, possibly (hopefully) toobing, looking cute, laying around, and playing Wiiiiiii!!!! I caint wait!

Can it just be Thursday please?

2007-06-25T15:52:00.001-05:00

THIS IS GOING TO BE THE LONGEST SHORT WEEK EVER. Leaving for Vegas on
Thursday at 1, and it can't get here soon enough. I've already started
packing. Usually I don't start packing until I come home drunk the night
before I'm supposed to leave, and then when I get up at the crack of dawn
the next day (still drunk) I wind up packing five pairs of jeans, four
pairs of shoes and one shirt. Reeeeal smart, Steezer. Real smart.

But seriously, even though I just went to Seattle 3 months ago, I'm so
ready for a vakay. And the best part is that 13 days after i get back from
Vegas, I'm headed to Austin for 10 days. It's a hectic week at work trying
to get things finished before my boss leaves for a vakay of her own. But
since I'm the master of disaster, I'm not too worried about it.

Tomorrow we're having a departmental quarterly meeting. I wouldnt mention
it accept that last week it was alluded that we may be getting raises.
Then today I get the agenda for the meeting and the last 20 minutes are
devoted to "staff promotions and org chart." Now, i've only been here four
(almost five!) months, so it doesn't seem like I'd be getting promoted
yet. But in the same breath, we have a pretty top heavy department as it
is, so there aren't many people that they could promote that have been
here all that much longer than I have. I'm anxious about it. In my short
time here I have pretty much kicked ass, so take that for what it's worth.

One last note about Vegas...I realized last nite that I have a 5+ layover
in Milwaukee on my way to Sin City. I may try to leave the airport and go
visit "Laverne & Shirley's" apartment...or at least the bldg where they
make the Busch. But what this also means is that I can watch the NBA
draft. I think at this point everyone is resigned to the fact the Greg
Odeargod He's Thirty will go #1. No matter how much the media try and make
it melodramatic, they've seemed to be leaning that way from the get-go,
and nothing has changed much since then. I'm okay with KD going #2. It
doesn't matter where he goes...he'll be a hoss. In the paper today they
ran the list of the past 10 #1 draft picks, and I only recognized half
their names (TIM DUNCAN IN 1997 BABY). Even if Greggers has a successful
pro career, it'll be a short one, since he's due for a heart attack any
day now.

Today, June 21, 2007...

2007-06-21T12:48:00.001-05:00

I OWN THE WASHINGTON POST STYLE SECTION!!!

I got our EVP into the Reliable Source on page 3 talking about Tony
Bennett, and got our family festival a few pages over in Style-on-the-Go.
If you don't live in Washington or don't read the Post, you may not
appreciate how awesome I am, but you still best show some respect.

I've had roller coaster week with things not going my way, so this was a
HUGE lift in spirits. So thank you Mr. Tony Bennett. Thank you.

Reason #343 I'm so f-ing big time

2007-06-14T16:38:00.001-05:00

Next week in the span of three days I'll get to meet and greet Ben Harper
and Tony Bennett here at work. Word to yo mutha.

I've declared a fatwa on Federal Express. Ninjas be messing with the
delivery of my bridesmaid dress, and I won't be having nunathat. I'll cut
a b*tch.

I'm back

2007-06-13T16:47:00.001-05:00

Well sort of.

People been giving me sh*t about the complete lack of posting in recent
weeks. I'm sorry...some of us have a job to do and babies to raise. For
chrissakes.

I will warn you that posts will continue to be sporadic until football and
television seasons start. That's all I really know how to talk about
besides drinking. And speaking of that, I read this morning that Miller is
putting out a new beer product called Chill that is light beer flavored
with salt and lime. Sounds delicious doesn't it!? God I want one right
now.

My boss is out of town this week and we've got a film making it's debut at
a festival on Saturday nite. I've been uber stressed out by that. The cool
thing is that I get to hang out with the two directors on Monday when
they're here at headquarters and take them to their various appts. I'm so
VIP. We're also announcing our first original kids tv series, and on
Monday we have Ben Harper coming for a recording session in front of a
small audience of 50 or so. All of this is giving me pains in my side.
Though actually the pain in my side could just be from too much drinky
drink last nite. Yes I think that's highly likely.

Okay, so I promise to do better, and sincere apologies to Mealz and to my
newest fan Brian in Austin who just got married last weekend. As for the
rest of ye, cram it up your cramhole.

Why I love my new job

2007-06-05T12:52:00.001-05:00

I'm presently sitting at my desk eating pop rocks. Pop rocks someone
brought in. Pop rocks in a variety of flavors.

The Smithsonian never provided me with free pop rocks. That's all I'm
saying.

Let the countdown begin

2007-05-30T16:46:00.000-05:00

!!!71 days until I see Beyonce!!!

DEFCOM 100 this afternoon when I found out that tickets went on sale while
I was out of town this weekend, away from a computer. I don't know why you
toy with me B!! I just try to love you...and be who I am...

More apologies for the lackage of blog postage. I don't like to logon at
work, and the 'e' and 'r' keys on my laptop are broken so I try to avoid
typing. They've actually been broken for like 4 months, but I'm too lazy
to get 'em fixed (plus who wants to be without a laptop for a few days...I
start to go crazy if it's been more than 5 hours and I haven't stared at a
computer screen).

In my time away from you I fell way off the booze diet, though I was given
a vacation since I was at a wedding this weekend. Phew. Vegas is sneaking
up on me and the pools of the nation are now open...time for Steezer to
get in shape for sheezer.

This is awesome

2007-05-23T21:20:00.000-05:00

The above is from my new favorite site...started by a bunch of Trailblazer fans. Seriously, easiest pick any team will ever make is Seattle at #2. They get the leftovers, and in this case the left over is a freaking lobster.

I love you Bravo, but...

2007-05-18T20:45:00.000-05:00

...why in the f*** do you keep showing "Days of Thunder." Is it 1992 and I didn't get the memo? Seriously tonite is at least the fifth time this month.

I'm home on a Friday nite and I'm having a glass of wine (my first drink all week). I spent all day at this. I thought it would be awesome to spend a workday outside. Not so much. Cloudy, wet, and 50 degrees (max)...I've been home for three hours and I'm still cold.

Next week I'm spending two days working on this

I love my new job.

Scootz is home

2007-05-15T16:08:00.001-05:00

If you've wondered why there's been little to no mention of the thing I
couldnt seem to stop talking about two months ago, it's because Scootz has
been back in the shop for the last month. I'm going to leave out the
details, but it's been hard on us. Part of me really wanted to quit on the
relationship. It just wasn't fulfilling my needs. After our big fight, I
really thought we were done. But once I cooled off (which I've had a month
to do) I decided I wanted to try and make this work. I know I don't have
much relationship experience, but I have enough to know that you can't
just be a quitter when times get hard. As Bill Madison wisely once said,
"That little boy's gotta think...you got a pet. You got a responsibility.
You don't look for an hour and then sit on the porch like a goon waiting.
You get off your @$$ and find that f***ing dog!."

Same logic applies here.

Dallas/Denton was less than spectacular. The bright spot was Taco Cabana
on the way to the airport on Sunday. That's all I'm saying.

Let me see if there is any Texas news to speak of. Hmmmm, no. This is
seriously the most boring time of the year. As Sally pointed out as we
discussed the plausibility of going on a booze diet, there are no summer
sports that involve/require heavy consumption. There are, however,
evenings on the porch or in the backyard with grill and a frosty beverage.
And for every week like this one, when I have not a single social event on
the schedule (which does not EVER happen), there's a week like next week
when I've got happy hours Mon-Wednesday, and two on Thursday. This is not
going to be easy. But as long as I look haute for Vegas, it will allllll
be worth it.

Lates

The Qween

2007-05-10T16:35:00.001-05:00

It's a sad day here in D.C. Well, actually, a sad day here in America. The
Queen is gone...back across the pond to drink tea and play cricket. I will
admit that I was mildly to moderately to majorly obsessed with her visit.
I can't really explain why, accept that it's not every day that the Queen
of England visits your state and wanders around. I mean she had two
dinners within five blocks of my office. Granted, it's the White House
that's within five blocks of my office, but still.

Anyways, I just think she's so adorable. I want to put her in my pocket. I
want to sit at a table across from her and just smile at her. I don't
understand why so many other people don't care. QUEEN OF ENGLAND!!
HELLOOOOOO!!!

In other news related to heading back to the homeland, I'm en route to
Dallas tomorrow evening. I seem to always do the same thing when I'm about
to go traveling: I spend the nite before getting sloshed because "Wassup,
I don't have to go to work tomorrow!" And every time I wake up saying,
"I've made a huge mistake." There is nothing worse then flying half way
across the country feeling like your insides are sour oatmeal. Tomorrow,
HOWEVER, I will not be hungover. I'm going to work a full day (though
maybe ditching out a little early with a little white lie) and I'm going
to get on the plane feeling 100% refreshed and alive. So take that flight
attendants labor union!

Oh, and Sally and I this morning decided to drink less to lose weight
(because we're both extremely fat). We'll see how that works out.

I've had it.

2007-05-09T15:30:00.001-05:00

I know I've been very absent recently. But it's the offseason, and I've been busy, so please forgive. I do have something important to say: I'm declaring a fatwa against yahoo's launch.com music service. Those yahoos (pun intended) will not listen to me. If you're not familar with it, let me explain: every time a song plays you can rate artist, album and song on a scale of "never play again" to "can't get enough." I bet you can't guess what artists I can't get enough of. Really, you can't so don't even try.

Now my hatred for all things American Idol is well documented. I will freely admit that I enjoy myself some Kelly Clarkson. But the rest of them can go to hades. But for whatever reason, Yahoo just can't believe that when I say "never play again" I really mean NEVER PLAY AGAIN. I don't care where Carrie Underwood's song falls on the charts...I don't want to hear it. I dont care if Chris Daughtery is "legitimately talented." I don't want to hear him. Quit shoving this horsesh*t down my throat. What actually REALLY annoys me is the fact that they usually play these songs like four in a row. You're only allowed a certain number of skips per hour and I have to use them all up on this crap that I said I didn't want to listen to to begin with (and I swear that as I type this that stupid Carrie Underwood song came on. AAAAAHHHH). If you're going to provide a ranking service, and make one of the options "never play again," then really in truly, you should never play it again.

I also get annoyed that they always seem to interupt a JT song to ask me if I want to continue listening...and then when the tunes start up again they've moved me to a different song. Bad form Yahoo. Bad form.

An easy solution would be to try another online radio. But I can't seem to get iTunes radio to connect, and though people just adore Pandora, I feel like I end up listening to even less music than I want to.

So there. There's a rant for you. Hopefully that will tide you over for a while. I'm back to Texas this weekend for my sister's graduation from UNT. MEAN GREEN baby. One of my favorite tshirts is a North Texas Hockey tshirt. When I bought my mom was like "huh" and I was like "what" and she was like "oh I get it."

The Mavericks can go to hell

2007-05-01T16:29:00.001-05:00

Let me tell you why I hope the Mavs get bounced tonite.

In fact, let me tell you why I HATE the Mavs.

In San Antonio we have two teams: the Missions (minor league baseball) and the Spurs. Though the Missions have won many a Texas League title, being minor league, they really don't count. And with all due respect to the Roadrunners of UTSA and the Tigers of Trinity (NCAA DIII), we have no college team. And please, don't even ask me about the Silver Spurs (WNBA).

The Spurs are all we got when it comes to the wide world of sports.

As such, San Antonians live and die by the Spurs. I was a crazy nutso Spurs fan when I was growing up. I'd save my allowance for weeks to buy tickets for my mom and I in the upper deck (They'd only let me go if I bought both of our tickets...I now realize what a b.s. racket THAT was). I had a life-size David Robinson poster in my room. I still have at home a David Robinson rookie of the year card.

Yes, I was a bit of a tomboy.

I remember being in the airport after a visit from the grandparents, when the NBA lottery was on following our most dreadful season ever. And I remember the cheers that erupted throughout the terminal when we got rights to the number 1 pick, and ergo, Tim Duncan. And I remember wanting to cry four years later when Tim went to visit Orlando as his contract came to a close.

During all of this time, the rest of my family (all of whom live in and around Dallas) couldnt give two sh*ts about the Mavericks. They stunk. They'd stunk for many years. The excuse was always the same: we're a football state and a football town.

Along comes Cuban, and Dirk, and Nash...and the Mavs get good. Suddenly, everyone cares. Suddenly they're our big rival. Suddenly people are in my face about the Mavericks.

WHATEVER. We're real fans in San Antonio. REAL fans. How many rings ya'll got, eh? Why don't you come and talk to me when you don't get knocked out by an 8 seed that's not even named for a city, but instead an entire state...a state that has three other teams in it already.

BOOYA.

In other news, yes PB, I will find pictures of hot football players with their shirts off and post them. It's pretty easy...you just look back at photo galleries from every NFL timing day. Yum.

Is it just me, or is it drafty in here?

2007-04-27T15:55:00.000-05:00

Earlier I was thinking about how exciting last year's draft was...arguing with the boys at work about whether Vincey would be #1 or not. Not as much to be excited about this year though I was pleased to see a few predictions:

-Statesman has Michael Griffin going to San Diego (where he'd play with Quentin Jammer) and Aaron Ross going to New England (where he'd play with my Boooooiii DT)

-USA Today had Griffin, Ross and Robison all going in the first round. Me like that.

The draft is kind of a two-headed monster in that it appeals to both college football loyalists and nfl loyalists. It also appeals to those of us who like to watch pretty boys pout, just like Matt Leinfart. Needless to say I won't be tuning in tomorrow with a pitcher of bloodies at my side like I did last year, but I will laugh if Brady Quinn drops out of the top 10 (though part of me thinks he'll be a surprise at #1).

Anyways...this was my way to kill the last 10 minutes of the day, so I'm outties.

This just made my day

2007-04-26T17:07:00.000-05:00

DONT F*** WITH SLATER

If I were looking for a new job

2007-04-23T19:45:00.000-05:00

I'd start and end my search here: The Tortilla Industry Association. According to these guys, who are fighting the good fight, tortillas are more popular today in the U.S. than all other ethnic breads, such as bagels, English muffins and pita bread.

VIVA MEXICO!!!

Spent the weekend in CVille with CMart, CTat, and my friendly neighborhood attorney. I went with the goal of ralphing in CMart's house, since he has done me that luxury the last TWO times he's stayed here. Even if I had wanted to throw up, I would have had to fight for the bathroom, as both CTat and FNA re-tasted their stomach contents. In fact, I was the only person not to ralph. How's that for karma?

It was a freaking awesome weekend. The weather was beautiful and we had a b.l.a.s.t. Started drinking about 6 on Friday, and didn't stop until a bloody at brunch on Sunday. We hit wineries, danced on 80s nite, drank long islands, smoked cigars, played drinking games on the porch, and yes, did shots of jagermeister. It was just the kind of weekend away I needed.

You know who should feel really lucky I was out of town? Reggie Bush. Apparently he was in town for the White House Correspondents Dinner, rubbing elbows with Sanjaya. How does that feel, REGGIE? How's the cancer research coming, REGGIE!?

Sally and friends (with Steezy behind the camera) outside the 2005 Heisman ceremony

Is this week over

2007-04-18T19:22:00.000-05:00

Dude, I feel bad complaining about anything with all that is going on in the country, but please, give me a moment: Scootz is fucked up again. This b.s. East Coast weather brought gale forced winds through town, and Scootz got knocked over twice. I went to take it out today and the brake is broken and it's making a weird sound. 3.5 weeks I've had the damn thing. COME ON! I'm getting really annoyed. I still love it but COME ON!

In other news, turns out Vince Young is not MY baby daddy, as I've previously suggested. He had a kid with some ho named Fancy. Reminds me of "Mean Girls" when the principal says, "I have a nephew named Anfernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my sister named him Anfernee." Who the hell names their kid FANCY!? And Vince's daughter's name is Niveah, which is one letter off from it being heaven backwards. Have a little bit of class for realz.

What upsets me more about the VY baby mess (which really shouldnt be that big a deal since Matt Lineheart knocked up a USC bball player) is that he cheated on Candice. My girl KC was Candice's RA in Jester, and had a profound impact on her life (or something). THey've been dating for like 50 years. How could he. I started to go leave ol girl a message of support on her facebook wall but I couldnt find it...booooo....

You'll note that I haven't mentioned the whole Madden curse b.s. Well, if anyone can break a curse, it's Mr. VY. He said on Kimmel last nite that he has the Texas/USC game on his iPod...I DO TOO! MARRY ME!

This is why I'm hot

2007-04-14T20:30:00.000-05:00

Please note the inappropriate scooter footwear. Unless they're extremely appropriate that is...

Don't Judge Me

2007-04-14T20:03:00.001-05:00

Two times this afternoon I walked out the door to the gym...once on Scootz and once on foot (because it was drizzling). And both times I turned around and came back. So instead I'm sitting here on my fat ass that only went to the gym twice this week, wishing I'd ordered two gyros instead of one. Tomorrow, Lucifer will apparently be controling the weather so doubtful I'll be able to go then. If you want to piss me off you can bring that up.

Anyways, after three nites + a day of boozing this week, I've stayed dry (for the most part) this weekend. Last week Yatesie had an Easter brunch (and nothing was overcooked!) and I got pretty toasty. It made me think of Thanksgiving when I went to K-dogs house and got really toasty (i.e. I gave a toast I don't remember). It's funny how different the holidays are when you're away from the parentals. FUnny in a good way.

So as part of my stay-at-home evenings, last nite I watched "The Prestige." Great movie, but I figured out the twist about half-way through. I'm too smart for Hollywood. This evening I was considering another On Demand evening but "The Princess Diaries" is on Disney, and who can pass up a chance to see Anne Hathaway at her rawest. I can't believe this girl was in Devil Wears Prada. No fair...I want a makeover.

Lastly, if you have five minutes, go look at Matt Nordgren's pictures on Facebook. They're outstanding.

Don't Judge Me

2007-04-14T20:03:00.000-05:00

Get Well Soon

2007-04-11T16:51:00.000-05:00

Scootz isn't feeling well and is at the doctor. Thankfully it's too cold and rainy to be driving her anyway. KC loaded me up with longhorn decals, so she's ready to rock. I've considered orange stickers for the helmet as well, but I think that maaaay be overkill. Contrary to popular belief, I do have limits.

I'm proud as a peacork baby

2007-04-08T19:06:00.000-05:00

Entertainment Weekly (my bible) has decided they can no longer beg people to watch 30 Rock. But I can. Seriously people. Funniest show on television. Funnier than "The Office." Way funnier than "Two and a Half Men" or pretty much any other comedy on any network that's not NBC. Need proof?

If you don't find those funny it's probably because YOU'RE NOT FUNNY. Or smart. And I can't help you with that, so just go back to watching American Idol ya dumbass.

Ya burnt!

No sympathy

2007-04-07T16:55:00.000-05:00

In general when I see overweight women at the gym I applaud them. It can't be easy to change clothes in the locker room with a bunch of skinny bitches. And instead of going to a restaurant and ordering a salad with ranch dressing, here you are in the gym.

And then yesterday I saw an overweight woman in the locker room drinking a regular Coke while changing into her work out clothes. I dont even have time to list how many things are wrong with that.

Also, I know last nite I was all up on Daniel Craig. I still think he's hott, but this is definitely hotter:

Kevin Durant, first freshman recipient of the Wooden Award, second Longhorn recipient in the last five years. That's what I like to call dead seeeexy.

Okay so I see what the fuss is about

2007-04-06T22:07:00.000-05:00

I just finished Casino Royale. Sweet Sassy Molassy...Daniel Craig you are delicious. Shirt on? Shirt off? Bloody? Cleaned up? Tortured? In swim suit? In a tux? Play poker? Having your man parts whacked?

I'll take you however I can have you.

A hodge podge you might say

2007-04-06T19:24:00.000-05:00

From an earlier IM conversation:

LY: jesus christ is right!
LY: it's his second birthday!
Steez: he's just like me! Another thing i have in common with Jesus!
LY: yes, but of course he only had one every 33 or so years.
LY: not twice a year.
Steez: whatever

This evening when I got home I hopped on scoots and ran to rent movies and get some eats. I was sitting at a light, and these three guys were walking to their car. One of them walked up to me and said, "Can I ask you a question?" Thinking he was going to ask me about scoots, I obliged. "Will you marry me?" I almost said yes because I was so impressed with his ability to get drunk by 6:15.

I had never really considered Scoots to be a pick-up device, but it totally will be. I was emailing with Timmy yesterday and he suggested the following

"fake crashing in front of hot dudes with big muscles. Then you get what you want with pity, and when they ask if you are alright you say 'let's kiss.'"

He really is Albert Einstein.

I would be remiss if I didnt bitch about the weather. F-ing highs in the 40s today, SNOW PREDICTED FOR TONITE. Ridiculous. Sometimes I really hate this city. I had an outstanding week at work, and I'm really liking the new job. Those of you who have ever shared a bed with me (and there are many of you) or really ever shared oxygen with me know that I have the jitter bug disease: I'm always wiggling my foot, rocking myself, tapping my toe, something. I'm in capable of sitting still. This afternoon I was sitting at my desk writing some stuff up and I was pounding my heel into the ground (up and down) so hard i banged my knee on my desk. That obviously meant I was anxious, which meant I had a lot of work to do, and that feels so damn good. In a year (or in a few months) when I'm griping about how miserable I am because I'm working so hard, remind me how friggin awful it is to do nothing.

And finally, since this is "in theory" a sports blog, I'd ALSO be remiss if I didn't mention the departure of Billy Gillespie from A&M. Someone on BON said that it's more fun to play the Gaggies when they're good and we get to see really great games (like the one that ended the season) then it is when they go 0-16 in the Big 12. A good point, but I prefer winning. Always. Every time. Winning is freaking great. In fact, it's the best.

Texas State is bullshit

2007-04-04T22:11:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow, the President and CEO of our company is giving some sort of speech or something at Southwest Texas University. That's right: I said SWT. I was against the renaming when it first happened, and I'm even more against it now. In our staff meeting as they were discussing this, the following exchange happened:

"John is talking in Texas tomorrow at Texas State University"
"Is it Texas State or is it the University of Texas"
"I think it's both."

This is where I almost started bitch-slapping. I said, "IT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT THE SAME!!" and provided them with an abridged version of the history of the renaming. But it gets worse. Later:

"Steez, the campus that John is speaking at is the San Marcos campus. Is that the main one? Cuz aren't there several?"
"NO THAT IS THE ONLY CAMPUS OF THAT SHITTY SCHOOL."

I didn't say shitty school, but I thought it. It's disgraceful that my longhorns should ever be confused for freaking Bobcats. I bet 45% of SWT students dont even know that their mascot IS a Bobcat. They're so stupid. And ugly. I said it. You got a problem?

I found one drawback to the scooter. Driving home from the gym tonite, I felt like the wind was going to blow the thing right out from under me. I survived long enough to write this. I hope you enjoyed it EMILY VERRETT WHO KEEPS BOTHERING ME TO WRITE THINGS. That's right I real-named you! What do you have to say about that, HUH!?

You're ugly

2007-04-03T20:18:00.000-05:00

That, according to Deadspin is a 12-person beer bong. I applaud the ingenuity displayed here...they say that mass consumption can really bring together a community. This weekend I did my first keg stand, and I suuuuuucked at it...lasted maybe 10 seconds How I made it to age 26, through four years of college at the greatest university in the world without doing a single keg stand beats the hell out of me. Eeets a meeestery.

So Florida wins back to back basketball titles. Total crap. I'm over it. I hope Jerkoff Noah is one of the biggest washouts in the history of the NBA. That's right, I said it. I didn't watch one single second of the game, and only remembered at about midnite that it was even on. Wouldnt surprise me if two of the lowest rated finals in the history of the history both involved Florida because the only people who like Florida are the idiots who went there. Sour grapes? NO. My grapes taste just fine.

Seriously. Can I marry him please?

2007-03-31T16:01:00.000-05:00

Here's our lord and master of the basketball court picking up another award. I dont know which one because it's too hard to keep track. Look how smooove he looks in that suit. Damn boy. WORK IT! I need a glass of WHA-TAH!

Want to fall in love a little more? Read this. And this.

That is why he's hott.

On the same note, if you've ever wondered what kind of parent I'll be

2007-03-29T19:21:00.000-05:00

I'll a mom like this one who prods her young daughter to say inappropriate things, laughs, and then half-heartedly tells her it was wrong

If you've ever wondered what I do every day on my way to work

2007-03-29T18:49:00.000-05:00

This is preeeeeetty much it.

Random

2007-03-28T21:00:00.000-05:00

Last nite I was did dinner and a movie with my favorite DC movie critic. He did the ol bait and switch, saying we were going to see "Blades of Glory" and then something came up and we had to see "The Lookout" instead. If you don't know what "The Lookout" is, it's cool, you shouldn't see it anyway.

So, while I was waiting for my dinner to be paid for and brought to me, a lady and her baby sat down at the table next to me. She put the baby down, and then put down on the table about 30 packets of condiments. The baby of course immediately started picking them up and putting them in her mouth. And for some God knows reason I found myself thinking "wouldnt it be great if you could live 100% off ketchup?" We'd all be pretty skinny. It would be kinda cool. You would never have to think about what you wanted to have for lunch. It'd be tight.

But alas we cannot live off ketchup alone. I'd actually really prefer to live only off mayonaise, but then we'd be a world of fat people. Deliciously satisfied fat people though.

Later on my way home I glanced over and noticed that there were two lesbians deboarding the metro beside me. I knew they were lesbians by their hockey jerseys and haircuts. I wonder...do lesbians go to the hair salon and say "give me a lesbian cut." They must.

My scooter is still tastee. Thanks to my new friends at www.modernbuddy.com I'm learning new and interesting things all day. It's like I've joined a new family!! People keep asking me what I look like on it, and I'd say I look like this except a female.

Oh my God you guys!!

2007-03-26T20:50:00.000-05:00

MY SCOOTER IS SO CUUUUUUTE!!!!

I went and picked it up this evening. Thankfully the Bear and Yatesie went with me and then guided me home in case I had any driving troubles. I did not. It's super easy to drive, and did I mention that it's cute? And that I look cute on it? I mean as cute as one can look in a giant white helmet on your tiny noggin. Once I got home I parked it for a few minutes and then took it out again. I could see people checking me out...probably because it's so cute.

So anyways, this is my first real grown up purchase. I mean Ive bought two laptops since graduating college, but this...THIS is machinery!! Dude...I get upwards of 35 mph on that baby. Booya suckas!!

They're showing the last three episodes of Six Feet Under on Bravo tonite. The first time I saw the episode right after Nate dies I cried through the whole thing. Literally I cried for the entire hour. And then like an hour later I got my "monthly bill" which helped it make sense because I didnt really care too much for Nate. The series finale of this show is probably one of the greatest hours of TV ever written and produced. Brilliant. I highly recommend it.

It's Mine

2007-03-25T09:24:00.000-05:00

Pooorrrrrr Houston

2007-03-23T16:15:00.000-05:00

HAHAHAHA...The Texans cut David Carr!!! Bet you wish you could go back a year and take Vince afterall. Bet you wish you hadn't said that David "Pretty face, Bad hair" Carr was the quarterback of the forseeable future in Houston. Bet you wish you had your balls back!

Mwahahahaha!!!

Lots of parties and hopefully scooter buying this weekend! Oh dear, it's gonna be trouble...

Pooooorrrr Aggies

2007-03-22T21:08:00.000-05:00

OMG how totally prophetic was it that A&M lost partly because Acie Law IV missed a wide open lay up with less than a minute left!? OMG SO AWESOME RIIIIIIGHT!!!

The Bear and I just got back from watching the early games, and we discussed the politics of being a Texas fan and cheering for the Aggies. I personally can't stomach it. The Bear is from College Station and has "numerous" ties there. So fine. I dont personally believe that Longhorns who cheer for the gaggies are unloyal or unpure fans. I think you can be a diehard fan and still wish the Aggies well when their success does not impede on the success of Texas. I'm also not the type of fan that's going say after a loss to the Gaggies (or really anyone) "they played a good game and I wish them well." I'm not that classy.

What I will not stand for is a Texas fan who will root for OU. That's just wrong. That's like rooting for you mom to kill your dad. You just don't do it. I dont buy the "Cheer for the Big 12" mentality...not when it comes to the Sooners. They f-ing suck at existing.

Anyways, I found this via Deadspin yesterday, and it is frigging hilarious. My favorite (of course):

KD pros and cons

2007-03-21T19:10:00.000-05:00

This came to me today from Adolpho. It's not 100% accurate because it does not list "sweet sweet love from Steez" in the pro column...

That Moth Is Crazy

2007-03-20T17:37:00.000-05:00

I think I'm finally almost over the loss. Almost.

Oh who are we kidding...I'll never get over it. I could handle losing but not to the school of hardknocks USC. Though I guess I'd rather be USC than the gaggies. But still.

Anyways, the boys at BON are doing a "what you would you do if Durant returned for another year" poll. I've been thinking all day, and I got nothing. At least nothing that doesnt involve sexual favors (just kidding not really).

In the non-sports world, my former employer is getting raked through the coals right now. Like crazy. The Washington Post is basically going to keep writing about the whole affair until they have succeeded in getting Sec. Small to resign. And I would venture a guess that he will soon. Anyways, boring for others, shocking to others.

All for now. I need a good whack to my funny bone.

Talk to me right now...

2007-03-18T19:23:00.000-05:00

and I will (clap) fuck (point) YOU UP!

Try again ESPN.com

2007-03-16T15:57:00.000-05:00

In an article on Texas A&M Corpus Christi's trip to the NCAA tourney, they describe it as "the biggest thing that has ever happened to the city."

Ever heard of a little something called the Selena/Yolanda Saldivar Days Inn stand-off/murder!? Will Texas A&M CC's trip to the tourney inspire a hit movie starring Jennifer Lopez? DOUBT IT!

I don't mean to beat a dead horse BUT WHY DO I STILL HAVE TO BE AT WORK FOR ANOTHER TEN MINUTES. Pure torture.

Triumphant

2007-03-16T10:33:00.001-05:00

This morning on Sportscenter they asked "Can you have an NCAA tournament without Duke?"

Um, yes. Yes you can.

I picked a VCU upset, so I'm even more ecstatic. By happenstance, there was a large contingent of VCU fans at Rhodeside Grill last nite, so I was able to get the answers to "where the heck is VCU" (Richmond) and "I don't even know what their mascot is" (Rams). Sad since, you know, I LIVE in Virginia. But whatevs. I'm embarassed to admit this, but I used to (way back in 6th/7th grade) be a Duke fan. I had Duke basketball and Duke tshirts that I adored. But that was because (even in my innocent youth) I liked winners. Duke was an obvious choice since they had won back-to-back championships. It wasn't until the wiseness of 10th grade settled in that I realized that Dookies weren't just BLUE Devils, they were Lucifer incarnate. And after seeing us get annihilated twice by Duke in NYC in person, I hate them all the more. JJ Redick is on my list, along with Adrian Peterson, Reggie Bush and your mom.

Just kidding...your mom is so sweet.

There was the most adorable article about KD on the front page of the Post yesterday (HOMETOWN BOI!!!). My favorite part is that since he's only had time to get one tatoo: his mom's name over his heart. I think his mom is so adorable I might just get it tatooed over my heart as well.

Hoping for a stomping tonite. And I agree with Kirk Bohls that we need some secondary players to have really strong tourneys (Craig Winder perhaps) so the heat will be off of KD a little bit. Go horns!

Tourney time baby. Tourney time.

2007-03-14T22:03:00.000-05:00

Last call to join pick 'em:

tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com
Group ID: 47984
Password: hookemhorns

I'm saddened by the punyness of this group. But it's not because I don't have friends. I have like SOOOOOO many friends. Don't worry about me.

I did some studying up tonite so I could fill out my bracket educatedly. Every year I find myself digging around ESPN and SI trying to find the "THESE ARE THE TEAMS YOU SHOULD PICK" article. I never find it and it annoys me. But basically, if you want a peak in my bracket I have Texas going all the way. I feel wrong doing anything else. Plus...you don't pick against Vince Young, and you don't pick against Kevin Durant. Wiser words have never been spoken.

I feel like I'm coming down with another cold...........

How have I not...

2007-03-14T19:26:00.000-05:00

...mentioned my current obsession with purchasing a scooter? I mean for chrissakes, it's all I've been talking about since I got back from Seattle, and yet I dont see a single post about it. WTF STEEZ!? GET A GRIP!

SO I decided while I was in Seattle that I needed to buy a moped. I've been without a mode of transportation that doesn't involve my feet, a train, a fare or FTP for almost four years. Four years of not paying for gas/insurance/car payments. Literally thousands of dollars I've saved. Probably more then $15,000 I'd suspect. What the hell happened to that money? Oh wait, I think I know, and I think it tastes great and is less filling.

Back on track...though I've been really thinking about buying a car for a while, I recognized that doing so would require a major lifestyle change (and I'm not giving up drinking or DVR...that's for dang sure). Unfortunately the new job didn't really come with a raise in salary (though I'm putting that extra $35 to good use...yes ma'am I am). I had finally given up on buying something until I arrived on the coast to the left to the left. I don't know exactly how the discussion came up, but it was like a light bulb went off..."Duh Steez. You should buy a scooter."

So I've spent the last two weeks studying up. I'm not getting a Vespa because that was made in Italy, and the Italians are only good with carbs. Because I will primarily use it for errand running and driving home drunk from the bars, I don't need something that is the moped equivalent of a minivan. I just need something cute. These are my final candidates:

This is the Buddy. It comes in orange and pink and it is very obviously my favorite. I look at it and my eyes well up with tears.

This is the Honda Metropolitan. It is also adorable, and was made by the Japanese who know how to makes cars. And toys. And raw fish.

And this is the JM Star. It is not that cute, but it's for sale (for the right price) on craigslist right now, and it may be the winner. The only problem is that it might be mildly embarassing to show up at this guys house to "test drive it" and have to admit that I have never actually been on one before. Hmmm....

I'll keep you posted.

Nuts: GET ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT GODDAM IT!!

Ah dang

2007-03-12T21:49:00.000-05:00

Byebye Jody.

I love this picture because it has my two favorite Texas Women: Jody C and Ann Richards.

I know it was time for her to go, but it's still quite a sad day for Texas. I still harbored hope that Pat Summit would be rendered deaf and mute, and that Jody would pass her for all-time winningest coach. (Aside: Pat was on the board of NMAH, and I saw her in the halls a few times...bitch scares me). I can't even be sarcastic about it. That's saying something.

On a less depressing note (though really that depends on your perspective): Tonite I went to the gym. I locked up my stuff, went to the bathroom, hung up my jacket, and hopped on the elliptical with my Entertainment Weekly (I know I've had a busy weekend if it's Monday and I still haven't read my EW...it's like a crack addict going through withdrawl). I've been on for about 5 minutes when suddenly I realize that I have no f-ing clue where the key to my lock is. It's not in my pocket, or the cup holder. I have no visual memory of what I did after I pulled it out of the lock. I finished up my 35 minutes and checked all the bathroom stalls, checked the floor, checked my coat pocket...everywhere. Figuring I the logistics wouldnt change drastically, I finished the last half of my workout before checking with the front desk to see if someone had turned the key in. They hadn't. Instead I was handed a pair of pliers (or whatever they were) that weighed about five pounds and were about a 1.5 ft long.

Now I consider myself to be an above average cutie...I mean, at least like a 6 or 7 out of 10, though granted some of those points come from my sparkling personality and killer stomach. But for chrissake there is nothing less awesome then walking through the gym carrying ginormous pliers because you were too stupid to remmember where you put your g-d locker key. Seriously...a low point of my life.

Well that sucked

2007-03-11T20:39:00.000-05:00

Up by more than 20 in the first half, only to lose by less than 5 in overtime. ANNOYING. I don't think winning would have put us at a 3 seed which I suppooooose is what really matters, but it still hurts to lose. Hurts very deeply.

We're looking at an every-day-could-be-your-last scenario with Mr. Kevin Durant. THey talked to his mom during the first half, and when they were done I said outloud to the no one else I was watching the game with "Well she was a delightful woman." During the OSU game she was sitting next to Danny Ainge, and she said she didnt know who he was until she saw it on Sportscenter. Whether I believe that or not doesn't matter...it's still adorable. I might just look Miss. Pratt up and give her a call to tell her how happy I could make her son as a wife...Don't think I won't.

Actually, last fall I was flying back to Austin for the Tech game, and the guy boarding the plane behind me was on the phone talking about his son Kevin's basketball game...and then mentioned that he was oging to Austin to see Coach Barnes. I was like "HELLO KEVIN DURANT'S FATHER." I didn't say anything right then because I didnt want it to be obvious that I had been eavesdropping, but I crossed my fingers the stars would align on that Southwest flight and that I'd be sitting right next to him.

I was not. Opportunity ruined. I regret it to this day. In fact I probably wont sleep tonite because of it.

So I havent done any bracket studying yet. I usually fill out two brackets. One that I just go through and fill it out using my gut, and one that I fill out after reading what everyone else said was the right pick. I actually usually do better when I don't go with my gut, which I think should be a guide for how I live my life. Roomie and I have said on numerous ocassions that we need to drink from the George Costanza well of knowledge, in regards mostly to the opposite sex: take whatever your instinct is and do the opposite. So I guess if my gut is telling me that a guy is a tool, I should hook up with him!! Woo! 2007 is gonna be a slutty year!! (JK MOM!)

I'm debating whether or not to "get sick" on Thurs/Friday. I HATE being at work with the Madness going on. It's the most unproductive two days of the year for the American workplace. I personally would rather have one/both of these days off then have Veterans Day off...I mean SCREW THE VETS! I WANNA WATCH BBALL!! And can't we celebrate our nation's war heros by watching som g-d college hoops!? Can I get a wha-what?

Spam Subject of the Week

2007-03-09T16:01:00.001-05:00

Walrus Gynecologist.

You can't make this sh*t up. You just can't. Reminds me of Anchorman: "Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means 'a whale's vagina.' "

What's better then being in picture with Vince?

2007-03-08T22:00:00.000-05:00

Being in a picture with Vince twice.

This was taken after the A&M game during Vince's redshirt year. We were buddies with him because he lived on the same floor as one of my RA friends, and because my friends were big groupies and stalked various players. Not me. I never did that. Not once.* Coincidentally, it is in fact that very same RA friend who I have blocked out in this picture.

Thinking back to Vince's redshirt year is kind of like wondering what people did at work before the internet. We didn't know what we were missing and now we wonder how we'd ever get by without. Siiiiiigh.

*Okay, that's a lie. Some time when I have a chance I'm going to post the 1500 pictures I have of me and Ungar (and one of me and his parents, or as I referred to them, "the in-laws". Many people like to "claim" that they loved Ungar. But not only did I love him, he loved me right back. UNGARRRRRRR!!!

I wanna go hooooome

2007-03-08T17:08:00.001-05:00

Finishing up my last 20 minutes of work, and it's torture. Despite that this will be my third four-day week in a row, I'm sooooo over this week already. I want the weekend to be here already so I can go test drive scooters. And so I can finally catch up on sleep. And so I don't have to listen to the annoying voice of the intern in the cubicle next to me. Seriously, this semester cannot end fast enough...and if she stays on longer than the Spring, someone will probably find a muzzle in their Easter basket.

My launch.com player/window was brought to me today by McDonalds. It says the following: "We'll add cream and sugar FOR YOU. Seriously. It's 'amazing.' "

Am I supposed to be thrilled that I dont get to regulate my cream/sugar amts? Has America really become THAT lazy that we can't even be bothered to doctor our own coffee? What about this is "amazing." Why is "amazing" in quotes? Why do I even care?

Tourney Time

2007-03-06T20:56:00.000-05:00

Bitches, join my March Madness yahoogroup.

Go to www.sports.yahoo.com, and click on "Fantasy"
Sign up for an existing group with this information:

Group #: 47984
Pass: hookemhorns

I swear to God, after coming in so close the last two years in both the tourney challenge AND college football pick 'em, if I don't win this year, someone will pay. NOBODY MAKES ME BLEED MY OWN BLOOD. NOBODY.

More later haters.

Somtimes I really hate you America

2007-03-05T21:46:00.000-05:00

How is it that I live in a country where Tim Allen is in the #1 movie at the box office, and Nicolas Cage is in the #3. SERIOUSLY. I now understand why American Idol is so popular...because you people are all idiots.

Yeah, that's right. I'm back from the coast to the left, to the left. Fun fun fun times had all around, and pictures are to come, but probably not for a couple weeks. Get on the edge of your seat.

I'm going to change the name of this blog

2007-03-02T07:59:00.000-05:00

To HeisBeyonce. I swear to God, just when I think I can't love her any more, she puts out an awesome new song with Shakira, Shakira, and then an awesome new video for Upgrade U.

Who better to imitate Hova, then B? Seriously. Dead-on. And the parts where she's dancing with the dudes. GODDAMIT I LOVE THAT WOMAN!!!

Some of yo may be thinking...how is Steez posting when she was supposed ot be en route to Seattle? Three-and-a-half hour delay. So I got my boarding pass and came home and showered and attempted to sober up more. It's annoying that I have been up for four hours and it's 8 am.

Anyways, that's it for now. GO HORNS! BEAT THE HELL OUTTA KU!!

Well that was a thrilla

2007-03-01T15:56:00.001-05:00

Two overtimes. TWO OVERTIMES. I still have a hard time understanding how A&M got good at basketball. Someone explain that to me.

So anyhooies, though at times it seemed like we were trying to give them the game, we pulled out a biggun in Austin last nite. Can Rick Barnes seriously spend some time today and tomorrow practicing inbounds passes? For chrissakes, two lazy lobs in OT (one of which was stolen) almost gave me a heart attack. What did give me a heart attack was mothereffer Acie Law. I give props to his clutchness, but only minor props because he choose to spend his college years in College Station. Again, someone explain that to me.

Now all of sudden we could win the g-d Big 12!? When/How did that happen!? I feel like just a month ago I was whining because it was sad that we were wasting our one season with KD. And I know for sure I'm not the only one remembering what lil freshman Carmelo Anthony did as a freshman for Syracuse...especially since I was in New Orleans, on the fifth row, when he did it. I'll never cheer for that jerk.

Unfort, it looks doubtful that I'll be able to enjoy the game this Saturday, as I'll be in Seattle and the game starts at 9 freaking A.M. I have to say with absolute certainty that the best time zone in the country is the central time zone. Here on the East Coast, everything ends too late, and on the West Coast everything starts too damn early (i.e. a 5 p.m. kick-off for the Rose Bowl, just when you're liver's getting warmed up).

Anyways, enough of that. FTP last nite asked if I would write something about the whole PacMan Jones saga. I would be more amused by the whole thing if he didn't play for the Titans, and wasn't a huuuuuuge impact player on their team. With Vince on their side, the team will still be fine...but it's annoying. I do want to sincerely thank Mr. Jones for introducing the term "Make it Rain" into my vocabulary. At this point it may replace "oh snap" as my most oft used frase. IN FACT just yesterday I was stunned to hear a song of that very name come streaming through my online radio (which speaking of, I'm tired of launch.com...anyone have other streaming radio suggestions? And yes I've been told about the awesome wonderment of Pandora, but it doesn't 100% agree with me yet. Anyways, help a sister out if you can).

I'll see about posting updates from Seattle. I assume Daphers is in the 20th Century and has internet. Everyone cross their fingers that this is a cameras-restricted weekend.

RED ALERT

2007-02-28T16:43:00.001-05:00

!!!NEW BEYONCE + SHAKIRA SONG AND VIDEO STREAMING AT MTV.COM!!!

PLEASE STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND GO WATCH IT.

SERIOUSLY, STOP READING THIS AND GO WATCH THIS VIDEO. WHEN YOU'RE DONE SAY A PRAYER THAT THE SONG WILL BE AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD SOON.

THANK YOU.

Spam of the week

2007-02-28T15:25:00.001-05:00

A piece of spam just arrived in my inbox with the subject "Jesus Deoderant."

I opened it because I wasn't totally sure whether they were selling deoderant that was endorsed/blessed by Jesus (because I can be a sweaty girl, and could use the divine intervention) or if maybe James Cameron and his band of merry thieves had discovered a stick of the deoderant Jesus allegedly used.

Turns out they were just trying to sell me Cialis. Like I don't already have enough of that...sheesh.

In all seriousness, I do like to reward creatively subjected spam. I mean, come on..."Jesus Deoderant?" Pure genius. Of COURSE I'm going to open that. I am not, however, going to open the next piece of spam in my inbox with the subject "hey qwykobrnwmkjphourktp." Sorry internet phishers...I will not be purchasing my performance enhancing drugs from you. Try a little harder next time and maybe we can talk.

In other news, there's a pretty big bball game tonite. And though I learned on Saturday that Rhodeside has $5 pitchers on Wednesdays, and that my boy Dre will be DJing, I'm going to do my darnedest to avoid imbibing and will watch at home (saving liver cells). Geez I hope we win. Not just because it would put us in position to win the Big 12, but more so because I can't stand the thought of being swept by A&M in the major sports. I don't want to know what that feels like. My skin crawls just thinking about it.

Tomorrow is the Exes big hoohaha for Texas Independence Day (which is really March 2...funny how when I was president of the chapter, March 2 always fell on a weeknight...) and I know I'll be 100 sheets to the wind by the end of that (TAKE THAT SALLY! I STILL USE THAT ANALOGY WRONG!). Friday I fly out of here at 6 a.m. bound for Seattle. What, pray tell, does one do on a two hour layover between 7:30-9:30 in Chicago? Yucky. Once I finally arrive in Seattle, it is my goal to act as outlandish and crazy there as Daphers did when she was here (meaning pick up a guy on the metro and bring him home, lose my cel phone on a park bench, and break not one but two glasses in a bar). My friends are such rockstars.

Step class

2007-02-26T22:28:00.000-05:00

I was at the gym tonite, and the bike I was on faced the room where they hold classes. Big Gay Bill was in there teaching a step class. It was pretty amusing to watch. Personally, I've never taken a step class. I'm just not that coordinated. But I kind of dont think that I"m missing out on anything because all the people that I've ever seen take a step class are still fat. It doesn't seem to matter how much you skip and pump your arms and act like you are the best goddam stepper to ever step on a step...you're still fat.

Not that there's anything wrong with fat people...they just take up too much space (get it! cuz they're fat!)

So to review: I don't like orphans, children, child orphans, Nicolas Cage, fat people, Reggie Bush, and people who take step.

More reasons why God hates me

2007-02-25T23:49:00.000-05:00

57. DREAMGIRLS DOESNT GET A BEST SONG OSCAR!!!

58. More f-ing snow, which would be wonderful...if it were any day but Saturday or Sunday.

59. Seriously...Dreamgirls not winnging is bullshit.

Update: I swear to god, I think that Martin Scorsese just thanked Mack Brown. You know, everyone used to say Mack couldnt win the big one, but he won the big one before Marty. THink about it.

I F-ING HATE LETTUCE

2007-02-22T21:43:00.000-05:00

Lettuce is such CRAP. When I say that I don't want lettuce on a sandwich, the sandwich artists look at me like I just asked them to sprinkle cocaine on it. It doesn't matter if I tell the nice burrito makers at Chipotle that I want lettuce, they try to put it on anyway. Why is this America? What has the lettuce lobby done to our country that people think it's impossible to have a sandwich or a taco or a burrito without lettuce? Seriously, what does that shit add to what you're eating? NOTHING! If anything, when you take a bite into lettuce-filled sandwich ALL YOU TASTE IS WATERCREST.

The whole things makes me wanna shake a baby.

That's all.

Oh Vincey

2007-02-20T20:56:00.000-05:00

God bless ya.

Tabs

2007-02-20T19:43:00.000-05:00

I have to say...I love internet explorer tabs. It makes it so easy to keep my personal email open on the sly alll day. And yes, in addition to still using yahoo mail, and not gmail, I also still use internet explorer. Save your lectures. I also still use a butter churn. It's how I keep my figure.

So, a while back I saw this really dumb commercial, which I wasn't sure was real or fake:

Apparently it was real, because this was on Deadspin today:

My favorite part is at guy at the 1:03 mark who reads the plaque and then walks up, kicks it, and then walks away. There's something very George Michael/Charlie Brown about it. Anyways, the rest of it isn't much of a surprise considering how classless OSU students and fans are.

In other news, as a going away present from my old job I got a gift card to the co-op. I just got it in the mail and it's for $75. Mama's about to do some daaaaaamage...

Living above my means

2007-02-19T18:38:00.000-05:00

At present I am drinking a $4 bottle of wine while cooking a $3 salmon steak to go with rice-a-roni rice pilaf. There is something both very amusing and very sad about that.

Yesterday, I went to brunch with The Bear, Yatesie and her parents. I had the french toast club (french toast stuffed with ham, wrapped in bacon, covered in syrup) and a bloody. While I was doing this, my gal Sass was in Austin running a marathon. A few minutes into the meal, I got a call from KC who had been giving me updates all morning. This time though, she had Sass on the fone. It was awesome. I'm so proud of my girl!!

THAT'S ME ON THE PHONE WHILE SHE'S AT MILE 9!!

I think Nelson from The Simpsons said it best:

2007-02-17T14:03:00.000-05:00

HAHA

If wanting Reggie Bush to die in a fire is wrong, I dont want to be right.

Today has been boring. However, I did my taxes earlier, and I'm getting a $700 refrund. I dont even know what to do with that kind of money. Faberge egg? Plastic surgery? Season ticket to the Tennessee Titans?

Why does life always have to be so hard?

30 Rock

2007-02-15T21:56:00.000-05:00

Seriously people, if you aren't watching this show, you are no friend of mine. On tonite's episode, Tina Fey found her inner boss strength after watching an episode of "Designing Women."

"If any of you ever call me that horrible name again, I will fire you! And you will never alter drapes in Atlanta again...because YOU DO NOT CROSS A SUGARBAKER WOMAN!"

Absolute genius.

The last couple days have been total bullshit. Continuing the theme of us supposedly following the federal government guidelines and then not, I checked opm.gov yesterday morning and found we were on a two hour delay. After two more hours of sleep I got up and trudged to work. When I say trudge, I do mean truuuuuudged. A lot more snow then I expected, and I stepped not once but twice in icy puddles (how "Groundhogs Day, right). Anyways when I got to work, I discovered that they had CHANGED THEIR MINDS and we were encouraged to stay home. Mother-effer. MOTHER-EFFER.

Even though I could have gone back home, I stayed like a good little eight-day employee should. And after work a group us awesome single gals went and had many margaritas and several pounds of guacamole. It was a fun evening, but I'm pretty sure nothing will ever compare to last years Valentines Day. Sorry future husband, but unless you can let me spend every Feb 14 with 72 national champions, then you're going to have to deal with being second best.

And later...

So thiiiis is what it's like to be Reggie Bushwhack

2007-02-13T20:37:00.000-05:00

Kevin Durant is getting crazy love right now, and it's so awesome. Everyone still thinks Greg Oden should go #1, and I think that the team that picks Greg Oden number 1 will be my new least favorite NBA team (replacing the Lakers and the Mavericks). Again I gotta say...I wish PJ, Daniel and Lamarcus would have stuck around another season to play with this guy. Sh*t, even ONE of them sticking around would have been awesome. I sort of expect KD to take us on a Carmelo-like run through the tourney. SNAPZ!

Speaking of Reggie Bush...I call b.s. on this. Everyone knows RB is gay. Gaaaaaay!!! When she figures it out, Ciara will one-two-step her way right outta New Orleans. Hey-O!

The "2007 It's Cold As F*ck" winter weather continues. I really hoped we'd be closed today, but we weren't. Then the federal government closed at 2, and despite the fact that I was told explicitly in orientation yesterday that we always follow the federal government, we did not. We were told we would remain open, but any employee that felt they needed to leave should do so and would get paid for the whole day. No one in my department left, and I really didn't want to be the new girl who left at 2. So I stayed. Booooooooo.

Seriously god...give us tomorrow off. Ice this shit up!!

What? Did the moon take a nite off so your butt could eclipse the sun?

2007-02-12T21:05:00.000-05:00

Ho-hum...another freshman of the year honor for Colt McCoy. What I find amusing about this one is that it comes from the touchdown club of COLUMBUS. Man, you gotta think they hated to give that one to a guy from Texas. I'm surprised they give awards for things other than "mattress toss" or "poops in a bottle" or "furniture pyrotechnics."

Just last nite I started to think about next football season, and though there are a lot of curvy punctuations (question marks), I think our offense is going to be off the chain. For starters, no more Selvin. I have to say I think Selvin has to go on my list of most disappointing Texas careers. I remember watching him in a scrimmage and being like "whooooaaaa nelly." But last year I got annoyed every time he was on the field.

(A quick Selvin anecdote: he had a major crush on Sass, and they talked on the phone on occasion. His voice mail message went something like "This is Selvin Young...Selvin. Young. Playa. I can't get the phone but leave me a message and I'll holla at ya." And then like 5 minutes of jams. I say "Selvin. Young." in my head every time I hear his name).

Anyways, back to next year's offense. One has to assume that Colt will save another life during the offseason, so he's set. Jamaal will win the NC in the 100 and re-learn about running forward and not side to side. Limas will get more adorable. It's going to be so tiiiiiight!

Changing tracks a bit, the following video was on Deadspin today, and when I saw it a Randy Newman song started running through my head: "Fat People Got No Reason to Live." The actual song is "Short People Got No Reason to Live." But I don't have anything against short people. Actually, I don't know whether it's more or less embarassing to say that I know a Randy Newman song or that I know a Randy Newman song because it was on an episode of "Ally McBeal." In my defense, this particular song was sung by my girl Jennifer Holliday, the original (and in my opinion, one-and-only) Effie from Dreamgirls, in an episode . I digress. Enjoy the fattie.

Also, I'm offended that there is a school that still sings along to "YMCA." I thought that was more of a WNBA thing. I am also not shocked that said school is in the great state of Wesvirginya.

The Grammys

2007-02-11T20:03:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to call this a live blog, but I'm sitting here watching the Grammys and I feel the need to make some noise.

-What the f*ck is Sting wearing? Probably a shirt from the last time the Police performed. They've been talking for EVER about the big Police reunion, and though it was pretty cool, don't you think maybe more than one song would have been nice? What do I know.

-We're one award in and this already bullshit. Two old fogeys singing an old song. How not awesome. Don't get me wrong, I lerv Stevie Wonder, but again I ask...wtf.

-One thing that really annoys me about the Grammys is that they only give out like 6 awards during the actual show. I ask you...do you really win a Grammy if it's not awarded to you on tv?

-Joan Baez is looking good. I wonder if the botox in her face is hippie-approved

-BEYONCE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD AND SHE COULD OUTSING AN ENTIRE CHOIR OF ANGELS

-Kind of sounds like Fergie doesnt know how to read. Which is ironic since she is always spelling things in her songs. Maybe that's her own version of hooked on phonics. And by the way, I've never heard of "Booker T and the MG's"

-MJB HAS NEVER WON A GRAMMY!? That aint right!! Few people can rock it like her.

-Those three "contest winners" all look like whores. And if one of them touches Justin in an inappropriate way I will hunt them down...and kick their ass. They also just basically revealed that Justin isn't performing until 10, which kind of makes me want to change the channel.

-I take that back. Here he comes! My favorite song too!! (yeah right...I'm sure it's something his "friend" went through. Being cheated on and then having the cheater get screwed...that sounds nothing like what happened with Brit). Also, I'm not ashamed that earlier today I paid $2 for the directors cut of this video. "I thought I told ya...HEY!"

-Man, Pink and JT are inexplicably linked for all time.

-OK, MJB already got one so she's set. Let's take care of B now please. I will say her dress is stunning though.

Seriously, this was fun, but now that I've seen B and JT, I'm done with this show for a while.

Atta boy!

2007-02-11T13:23:00.000-05:00

Last nite while I was subjecting myself to another evening with the nerd friends, I missed a "solid" performance by Vincey in the Pro Bowl. It really makes me so happy that people are FINALLY putting down their haterade. Just because he doesnt look like quarterbacks you may have known, doesnt mean he isn't the greatest ever. Juuuuuust saying.

Last nite we bowled. That's really the only reason I went out was because the opportunity to bowl does not come up open. I should not have been surprised when the nerd friends all said they sucked at bowling. I don't consider myself to be a good bowler, but by "not good" I mean I usually break 100 but not by much. They meant "not good" like usually break 50. I SMOKED them. And once again I have to feel embarassed about the fact that I'm so much better than them. Really the only thing I'm good at is swinging my arm straight. It's not that difficult.

On the lane next to us was a couple that I deduced was within a couple months of dating. They were a cute couple but also still kind of awkward together. They both had on similar glasses, and while I thought my "I bet the met at Lens Crafters" joke was hilarious, everyone else was faux-offended. Someone said, "there's nothing wrong with being a little nerdy," which was actually quite a hilarious comment, considering the source. I thought to myself, "it's true...there is NOTHING wrong with being nerdy. I love nerdy guys. There is however, a lot wrong with being A NERD."

And when you didn't know Anna Nicole had died even though it's been 48 hours of non-stop coverage on every single outlet and medium...you're a nerd. Again I say...put down your science fiction book and pick up a newspaper. Learn some names. That's all I'm asking.

Okay that's all I'm saying for now. Promise.

No farting around time

2007-02-08T22:15:00.000-05:00

Dudes, I'm trying not to piss off the new workplace so I don't want to be blogging at work and saying @SS, F*CK, D@MN!! I'm so crazy!! CRAZY!!!

Anyways, FTP sent me this link today, and I have to say it is worth about a million dollars. I'm not paying that amt though...I'm going to let the insurance companies take care of that.

My mom emailed me and said, "congrats on the #3 recruiting class." I don't know if I'm more amazed that she knew it was signing day or if that she got it wrong (we were #5...duh). They're saying this is the best class since Vince. I dont want to, you know, talk smack...because I love Mack. But motherheffer, I think I remember hearing about how off the chain last year's class was, and I cant name one "Cedric Benson" or "Derrick Johnson" or "Rod Wright" on last year's class. Does that make me dumb, or does that make YOU dumb. Think about it....

Don't you dare tell me my apparel doesn't matter!

2007-02-06T21:45:00.000-05:00

I've been looking forward to writing this post ALL DAY LONG! WOO WOO! This article was on the front page of the Washington Post yesterday, and I have to say, it's f-ing bullshit.

So what you're trying to tell me, is that it doesn't matter what shirt I'm wearing; it doesn't matter what I'm drinking; it doesnt matter that I'm not in Dallas; it doesn't matter that I'm upstairs at Rhodeside? YOU ARE WRONG.

Answer me this, Emily Pronin...why is it that the first game we lost in the last two years (that I wasn't at) was KSU when I was at a wedding and not Rhodeside? Why is it that we were losing by 30 to OK State, when I took off my "I'm Mack Brown Bitch" tshirt, and we came back and won? Why is it that against both Baylor and Tech, when we were upstairs and not down, we played like shit for the first half? Can you explain these things? Neither can I...but they are facts. COLD HARD FACTS. So take your study and shove 'em up your A-Rod.

Chris + Vince = Huh?

2007-02-05T21:26:00.000-05:00

I find this image both beautiful and disturbing.

FTP commented that she wanted to be the meat in this sandwich. That comment reminded me of the nite at The Drink when I looked up and realized I was the meat in a Chris Simms/Houston Street sandwich. That memory is both awesome and embarassing that I used to frequent The Drink with m'ladies. Gawd...I was such a groupie.

Anyways, I was seriously juuuuust wondering this morning if these two dudes were in touch/friendly. I mean, Vince was a red shirt during Chris's senior year, so in some way he had to have learned something from Chris. Maybe that something was "don't lose games or the fans will kill you." If that's true, I'm totally fine with that. Thank god he didnt learn "throw 4 interceptions in a conference championship game." I would be a much different person today if he had. I totally bet that Chris, Nordco, Vince and Chance all get together and have appletinis. And of course Vince pays for it all because he's got the most job security (what with Nordco fixing air conditioners, Chance playing 3rd string QB for Arena football, and Chris not having a spleen).

First day of the new job today. It was pretty special. SPECIAL ED! HA! HA HA! Psych!

Super Blah

2007-02-04T22:52:00.000-05:00

Dude. Not even the commercials were interesting this year.

I was cheering for the Bears, much to my chagrin since my newest mortal enemy Corco is a Bears fan. But a girl's gotta stick with her guns, and Cedric Benson and Nathan Vasher are my guns. When Ced lost that g-d fumble I thought "Corco is going to give me major shit for that" and sure enough it was the first thing he said when I walked into his apartment after halftime. ASSHOLE. I'll eat your potstickers and drink your non-light beer...but it doesnt mean I like you.

And P.S: while I thought Prince's performance was enjoyable, I wonder how long he's going to be playing those same five songs for. It's been 20+ years at this point. Can he go another 20? I'll tell you what was a MORE enjoyable Prince performance....2004 Grammys:

So what did you come for?

2007-02-04T12:21:00.000-05:00

I CAME TO DANCE WITH YOU!!!!

Justin was pretty much the shit. I pretty much loved him. Pretty much.

My last day of work was on Wednesday, and as Justin once sang, "Though you were underpaid, that place isn't worth your tears." Totally agree. My two days of unemployment (next time I quit a job, someone beat me if I say I'm only taking two days off) were spent in preparation for the concert. Thursday, Sally and I went shopping for outfits and accessories. It's really nice to spend four hours at the mall without there being a huge crowd and without any place else to be. Friday I was quite pleased to go to my mailbox and find this waiting for me:

That's right...Justin on the cover of Entertainment Weekly, arriving on the very day I'm going to see Justin. That's divine intervention for you!

Pre-concert we hit happy hour at RFD where conversations included whether touching Justin would be enough to get one of us pregnant, which of us would be the first to show our boobs, and what we would/should do to Jessica Biel if she showed her face.

Now, when we initially bought the tix back in October, we thought they were floor general admission. Then last week, as we looked closer at them, we noticed that there were row and seat numbers which meant we diddnt need to get to the Verizon Center as early. Well, turns out that was bullheimer, as they were in fact general admission. Since we didn't arrive until about half-way through Pink's set, we weren't as right up in the action as we could have been. Pink, by the way, really rocked. She has a lot of hit songs, and girl can sport a bathing suit that would make Princess Leia jealous.

But finally it was the moment I'd been emptying my bladder for for three hours. We had all tried to guess what song he'd open with, and none of us were right: it was "FutureSex/LoveSounds" the title track from the new album. I'd say it's one of my favorites, but they're ALL my favorites.

The show was off the chain. He sang every song from the new album except for one ("Boutique in Heaven" which I like but is really cheesy); he sang several songs from Justified; he sang "Gone" from his N*Sync days which was the song that told the world "yea, I don't need these dudes." But Justin didnt just sing. He sat down at the piano for several songs, and he jammed out on a guitar for several songs. And most importantly...he danced. The thing that man does with his hips....mmmmmmm. Anyways, here are some pics. Do enjoy please:

This is just before Justin came out. First, the picture does not do justice to how hot I looked. Second, this was just before we beat bitches down who said that one of them was going to do it with Justin.

You got me LoveStoned

This is during the dance break for "My Love" which he opened the MTV Video Music Awards with. It is completely UNREAL. But it's also real because I saw it.

Man alive I want to make babies with this man.

Seriously. I want to do what they do on the Discovery Channel...or actually the National Geographic Channel.

The money shot. I forget what song he was singing, but he looked me right in the eye, winked, and mouthed "The Four Seasons, room 610." That's allllll I'm saying.

My sentiments exactly

2007-02-02T10:52:00.000-05:00

Vince You is the shiznit!!

Just wait a little longer

2007-02-01T18:04:00.000-05:00

Hello adoring public.

Sorry me no writey sooner (God I hate that word). Yesterday was my last day at work so I was busy being the center of attention all day (which I hate...PSYCH!). Today I was hungover and shopping for Justin. Tomorrow I'll be changing clothes all day because I think I'll be so excited I'll pee in my pants. Wooooooooooooo!!!

But I did want to login and say how excited I am that Kevin Durant filed paperwork yesterday for his presidential exploratory committee. He has my support, and I would be proud to accept your nomination for VP.

Seriously...I don't care if he IS a freshman, KD is player of the year. If you disagree then you're a hater and should go watch "Little Miss Crapshine" again.

Poor Nordco

2007-01-29T22:49:00.000-05:00

Just noticed this on ESPN.com. It reminded me that his big brother had been committed to Tennessee until switching over to Texas at the last minute. That in turn made me wonder what the f my college years would have been like without Christopher Simms and more importantly without the Christopher Simms/Major Applewhite draaaaaama. And since Major graduated when I was a junior, there's a chance I could have spent my senior year watching Matt Friggin Nordgren leading my boys. That is crazy. It's also crazy that he may actually be MORE of a pretty boy then Christopher is. I bet Nordco still has his spleen though. I think he got signed by the Eagles and then cut four days later. Sounds about right.

In other news, I'm watching the best episode of Six Feet Under right now ("I'm Sorry, I'm Lost"). It's after Lisa disappears and Nate's in total self-destruct mode. I think I love this show because it reminds me that my life could be a lot more f*cked up. Thank you HBO!!

My roomie's mom sent us three dozen homemade tamales today. So hot. I plan to eat at least a dozen of them during my two days of unemployment this week. Actually scratch that...mama don't need to put on any extra weight before seeing Justin from ROW ZERO. A little pee just came out.

Phat Camp

2007-01-28T16:16:00.000-05:00

Me and Sally hit a couple house parties last nite while a house party was going on at my house. Did that make sense? I don't care. After more bloodys at brunch I came home and let the delayed hangover settle in. Roomie's first words to me were "wow, you really look like shit."

Anyways, I was happy to find that MTV was showing their documentary "Fat Camp." I've seen it several times and it just keeps getting more awesome. Teenagers are so cool. The only thing cooler than teenagers are fat teenagers at fat camp. Yea, okay, that was a little mean, but I feel like shit so I can be as mean as I want. SUCK IT.

As I watched it, I started to think (just like Carrie Bradshaw!) that it would be awesome to have a Phat Camp. If you saw the types of people that were at Saint Ex this morning, you would totally agree with me. Here is a sampling of things I would teach people at Phat Camp:

1. You can have a backpack. You can have a purse. But you cannot have a backpack purse. If you do, I will kill you.

2. If you're trying to get the attention of a group of girls, you can yell "Ya'll are a bunch of hot bitches" and get a response...but it's probably not the response you want.

3. Take a moment every day to tell Jesus how thankful you are for Beyonce. Thank him for making her both beautiful and talented. Repeat a second time substituting Justin Timberlake for Beyonce.

4. Despite what Greg Kinnear says in the bullshit Best Picture Oscar contender "Little Miss Sunshine," sarcasm is NOT the refuge of losers. Sarcasm is awesome. The only people who don't like sarcasm are people who are too dumb to get it. Those people will never be extended an invitation to Phat Camp. We don't have time for stupid people.

5. Pop your collar and I'll pop a cap.

I have many leather bound books

2007-01-26T13:54:00.001-05:00

I just checked my statcounter and wondered why more than four people were
reading...

Welcome to readers of Burnt Orange Nation and Everyday Should be Saturday.
Thank you for making me feel blogmous. Please dont tell my mommy.

This morning I woke up to a Reggie Bush probe (Pt. 2)

2007-01-25T13:48:00.000-05:00

Photo courtesy Savvy. Maniacal laughter courtesy Steez.

Also, the Deadspin comments on this story are, as usual, f-ing hilarious. My personal favorite: "Someone check the URL availability of nonepeat.com"

This morning I woke up to a Reggie Bush probe

2007-01-25T10:28:00.000-05:00

I always knew he was a gay.

The "Reggie Bush thinks he's the shit and can get away with anything including having agents buy his parents a house" investigation isn't dead yet. This morning they're saying there are tapes that prove he knew what was up. I really wish I could find these reporters from Yahoo Sports and buy them something really dawesome for staying on top of this. I would almost suspect that they have Longhorn blood in them. Love you boo!

Staying with the theme of Reggie Bush sucking at life, I wanted to jump through the screen and break his tibia during the Saints/Bears game. I will give him credit for an amazing touchdown run. But it was not at all necessary for him to turn around and point and yell at the Bears defenders as he ran it in. And it was f*cking ridiculous for him to then jump and flip into the end zone. He may be a good player, but in his head he is a God (thanks for that ESPN). Look for no further evidence then his attempted lateral during the Rose Bowl. No other player in his right mind would have tried to do that, but he's like "Yo mister! I'm Reggie Bush! Look at my striped shirt! I can do whatever I wanna do, including lateral the ball to a walk on reciever who isn't looking in my direction!"

Seriously...I will be praying for RB's demise for the rest of his days...long after he's done with football.

The Suck of the Union*

2007-01-23T21:36:00.000-05:00

I could give two sh*ts about Bush's speech tonite. Seriously...why do I need to waste 40 minutes of my life when I can read the pertinent information in about five minutes tomorrow? ANSWER ME THAT, AMERICA!

When I was a lowly DC intern, we congregated in room 610 (raise up!) to watch the SOTU and drink and be merry. I did it because it seemed like the DC thing to do. Well, let me tell you friends...something being the "DC thing to do" usually makes it pretty lame.

People in this city just LOOOOOVE to get together and watch political moments like this one. I'm talking debates, speeches, funerals. You move here, and it seems like it would be fun. I usually support any excuse to get your drink on, but sit back and actually think what playing a State of the Union drinking game really means. It means sitting quietly and listening to a 40-minute-long speech (most of which has already been leaked) and then yelling "OOOOH! HE SAID TERRORIST!!" when our idiot president says something stupid. Oh my God! You know what would be less fun? Waxing your mustache!

Other D.C. things that sound fun but really aren't: Playing frisbee on the Mall (unless you don't have a problem beaning tourists...which I don't), going to Adams Morgan, taking the metro everywhere, and pooping. Just kidding! Pooping is always fun!

*Title provided by Sally who did apparently watch the speech anyway. Suckah

DO NOT EVEN TALK TO ME TODAY

2007-01-23T12:30:00.000-05:00

That pretty much sums up how I feel about this.

Don't get me wrong. Love Abigail Breslin, and almost wish I could have a nerdy chubby little girl just like her. And that was a great movie. But HELL TO THE NAW IT AINT A BEST PICTURE CANDIDATE!!!! Even more egregious? No nomination for Bill Condon. I'm in a bad f-ing mood today, so don't any of you try and F**K with me.

It's my favorite day of the year

2007-01-22T13:43:00.000-05:00

The Pro-Life rally on the Mall!! Man I just love it when the right-wing
fundamentalist Christian crazies converge on my city on the stretch of grass
at my place of work and march with signs. Gets my blood pumping! I feel just
awful that it's so cold outside, and that the ground is full of icy muddy
slush. I wish I had enough blankets to give to all of you soldiers. But
since I don't, here instead is a virtual hug.

HUG!

No seriously, I ran out to get lunch a few minutes ago and walking in my
direction was a couple pulling a wagon of kids in it (it was a big wagon!
jealous much!?). Walking alongside this wagon were five other kids. That
makes for eight total, all younger than 13. The sight of that made my uterus
go infertile, so I no longer have to participate in the abortion debate.

Long. Day.

2007-01-21T15:41:00.000-05:00

Phew, yesterday was a long ass day. First and foremost, I set a new personal record for earliest time to start drinking: 8:30 a.m. Sally and I thought we'd be so f-ing awesome that we had bloody fixings for the ride. Then a truck pulls up and unloads a shit-ton of food, beer and champagne. Scratch that.

The game was less than entertaining. I've decided that I'm no longer going to travel to basketball games. I've seen us lose to Duke twice, to Syracuse in the final four. No more. Sorry Vladimir Barnes. I'm sure you'll be fine without me.

I walked back into my apartment just before 9 and went straight to bed. Because I like to fall asleep watching tv, I turned on TBS and saw the tailend of "Deep Impact." Any movie with Tea Leoni is okay in my book (psych). I woke up three hours later, washed my face and all that jazz, get back in bed to find that "Deep Impact" is on AGAIN, and it's at the exact same point it was when I turned it on the first time. I know, totally creepy, right? I think that Morgan Freeman should run for president in real life. I'd totally vote for him just because his beard is so dang sexy.

Anyways, I slept until noon today, and then spent the better part of an hour trying to psych myself up to go get coffee. It was one of those mornings where I really wished I had a g-d car. I did end up going and the coffee tasted even sweeter thanks to my personal victory. Now I'm watching football while Roomie cleans the kitchen. I won this round of "see who gives in and does the dishes." Usually she wins. Like I said...big day.

I dont care much for the NFL but picking the teams to cheer for is pretty easy. I will not ever cheer for Reggie "still aint cured Cancer" Bush, and the Bears have both CBens and Nasty Nate Vasher on their team. Plus, who really wants to hear about "how much this Saints team has meant to the city of New Orleans" for the next two weeks. I really don't. Later, I of course am rooting for my boooiii DT and the pats. I think Peyton Manning is a selfish asshole and I honestly hope he never wins a Super Bowl. But if/when the Bears win today, I dont think there's anyway they win the SB with Sexy Rexy at qb. That guy showed up in the NFL looking like a ten-year-old, and his way of changing that was to get fat. So now he looks like a chubby pre-teen.

Two last things...first, I wonder how Matt Hasselback feels seeing a commercial of him getting tackled by the creepy Burger King mascot-type-thing. Embaraaaassing. Second, since being in SA for Christmas I've developed an obession with Law and Order: Criminal Intent. I'm trying to decide if I should watch that when it comes on Bravo at 6 or watch football. Tough choices. Say a prayer that I make the right call.

Not a whole lot to say today

2007-01-18T17:26:00.001-05:00

Except that once again, I really really really hate American Idol. I find
negative a million things redeeming about this show. I despise it with all
of my heart. Last nite when I got home, I found it playing on our TV (Roomie
nowhere in sight) to which I exclaimed "OH HELL NO" and changed it. Later I
went to my friend neighborhood attorney's house to celebrate the new job,
only to find them watching it. I sat down and said, "yeah...if we're
seriously watching this, I'm going to need a drink."

Perhaps my intense hatred of this show has something to do with my
questionable moral values. I mean, give me a "Flavor of Love" marathon and
I'm hard pressed to leave the couch. AI is so sugary sweet I want to vomit.

But you know actually, it's not. Right now of course they're doing the "oh
my god listen to how awful these singers are" episodes. I'm surprised
they've never been sued over these. Last nite, they profiled these two super
nerdy guys who were trying out, and I would swear that one if not both of
them were mentally retarded. And yet STILL the producers send them through
to Simon to be mocked so we can all have a hoot at their expense. I feel
like if you go on the Real World or even Beauty and the Geek you know what
you're getting into in terms of mocking. Not the same here. It's annoying.

(Really I hate even typing about this topic)

Three more reasons to hate this show: Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and Ryan
Seacrest. Randy Jackson acts like he's top shit. But really, if AI ended
tomorrow (and god how I wish it would) he would be on the Surreal Life in a
matter of weeks. He survives only off what he makes on this show. Paula is a
train wreck of low self esteem and over-medication. And Seacrest...Christ!
Why does he keep getting more jobs!!! He is a weasily cocky motherf***er who
everyone makes fun of (and I don't think anyone in Hollywood actually
respects him) and yet he's on every freaking medium. Soon I'm sure he'll
have his own magazine, which no one will buy, but which will still lead him
to a book publishing deal.

Notice I didn't say Simon. He's the only one that takes this sh*t (and I do
mean SH*T) seriously, and he always seems annoyed to be there. I'm annoyed
you're there too Simon. So make them cancel the show please.

The worst part of the whole thing is that from now to May it's all anyone
will want to talk about. I wish I could punch you all out for that.

Damn...that felt good.

NIGHTMARE DOOMSDAY SCENARIO

2007-01-17T12:35:00.000-05:00

This is rather unlikely to happen but that hasn't kept me from freaking the f out about it. One nice thing about quitting your job is that you can just flit around and do whatever the hell you want all day. This morning I spent about 45 minutes talking to our IT guy about football, and as it usually does with me, talk turned to Vincey, . I was saying that I hope they trade up so he can get a hoss receiver like Jarrett or Johnson. Allen said, "You know who I'd really like the Titans to get? Adrian Peterson."

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. I laid into Allen about how that was the worst idea since New Coke. No...the worse idea since cavemen went on a rock diet. I highly doubt that the traitor will still be available at the 19th pick, and the Titans have a couple pretty solid running backs (Ahmard Hall anyone?) so I can't imagine them trading up for an RB. But still...the thought is vomit inducing. Don't get me wrong...I've accepted the fact that Vince may at some point have to play with Sooners. He may be doing so now. But the two Sooners I would NEVER want to see in the same uniform as him (unless it was a pro bowl uniform) are the traitor and the name-stealer (the other Roy Williams).

Woot Woot

2007-01-17T09:55:00.000-05:00

Big changes for Steez. As of yesterday I have resigned my position here and accepted a position here. I'm EXTREMELY excited. EXTREMELY. Like, EXTREMELY EXTREMELY.

The celebration of this momentous occasion kept me from watching the basketball game last nite, and I regret that more than I regret that last caraffe of sangria. I'm making up for it though this weekend with a trek up to Philly to see KD in person when we take on Villanova. The Exes rented a bus and you best be sure that I'll be packing a gallon or two of bloody marys. It's going to be a long awesome day.

Oh yeah, and I got a new rad job. Woot!

The Golden GLobes have lost all credibility

2007-01-15T20:22:00.000-05:00

Beyonce NOT winning for best song is like Texas NOT winning a national championship with Vince Young. It's wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG. IM transcript from this transgression:

soooohot: BEYONCE BETTER WIN THIS
emsmilie: um yea
soooohot: i will kill someone if B doesn't win
soooohot: SOMEONE WILL FUCKING DIE
emsmilie: lol
emsmilie: i bet B is crying now
soooohot: oh my god that is such fucking shit
soooohot: golden globes have lost all credibility
soooohot: it would have been perfect for jt to give it to my girl b
emsmilie: i didn't event know happy feet was a movie
emsmilie: they should tour together
emsmilie: now that would be a show
soooohot: my head would explode
soooohot: i'm so pissed about listen
soooohot: i wish i could hit someone
emsmilie: marisela?
soooohot: nah, she deserves a break
soooohot: man i wish you still lived here
soooohot: i'd invite you over and hit you really hard
emsmilie: so you could punch me?
emsmilie: jerk
soooohot: i love beyonce
soooohot: love her
emsmilie: do you?
soooohot: prince didnt even care to show up
soooohot: beyonce is sitting right there
soooohot: just give her the fucking award jt
emsmilie: you need to move on
emsmilie: there is always the grammys
emsmilie: and the oscars
soooohot: well she always wins grammys
soooohot: she has like 7

Just let it do what it do baby

2007-01-15T10:17:00.000-05:00

Courtesy FTP comes a look inside Vincey's apartment. I know what will make it feel more like home...ME.

He was a litter bug

2007-01-15T00:33:00.000-05:00

Since officially it's now Monday I can say I'm shocked at the number of businesses that are not closed today. Racist mofos!! And in honor of those racists here is a highly offensive and highly hilarious Sarah Silverman video. I think she and I would be friends. Reeeeeally good friends.

Mwahahaha

2007-01-14T22:52:00.000-05:00

Courtesy The Wizard of Odds come these two hilarious takes on script Ohio:

Love that chicken from Popeyes.

Today I feel like...

2007-01-14T14:59:00.000-05:00

...getting drunk. Oh wait, that's everyday. I may have a drinking problem...and by problem, I mean that others say the have issues with me being less fun when sober.

You know it's going to be a lazy day when it's 5:30 and you're still wearing the shirt you slept in last nite...the shirt that is now coffee-stained from the only time you ventured outside the apt all day. I've been watching the playoffs, and during the Chicago game I realized that the smell I had been curious about was me. I told myself I'd shower when the game was over, but then they went to overtime, and then I only had a few minutes to shower before my boy DT started playing. My life is difficult (and no, my card is not American Express).

I'm slightly exaggerating my laziness today. I have said in the past that I have inertia problems. For instance, every time I sit down to watch TV I want to get up and fix the stack of DVDs in the entertainment cabinet. But I can never seem to care enough to get up and do it. Well today I went to town...started there and then cleaned out our desk, and then moved on to my room. When Roomie first moved here she was going to receptions and parties all the time and coming home with random bags of crap...like an Exxon tape measure, an Altria portable fan, a CitiBank inflatable neck pillow. And for whatever reason, we've kept that crap for almost three years. Now it's all gone, and I'm sure that in the next week I'll find myself wishing we had a retractable phone cord. DAMMIT KARMA!!

While cleaning I also found my digital camera, which means I can finally post on craigslist the stupid ipod case I bought online that I dont want (the first of two cases I bought but didnt like). As I'm so sure you know, Santa granted my one and only wish and brought me my new video ipod. The thing is so bling. SO BLING. Look at how rocks and sticks my old one looks in comparison:

Because I assign feelings to pretty much every inanimate object I own, I like to think that whitey has been wondering why the f he hasn't been touched in more than three weeks. Pooooor whitey...it's like reverse racism. We're for sure headed to couples therapy soon (it's not you, it's me). I haven't quite decided what to do with the old one. Despite being a generation 2, it still works like a dream. Roomie has a generation 3 which is obviously newer than mine, and she's had way way more problems with hers than I've ever had with mine (Chuuuump!). Some people have said "oh it'll be nice to have a back-up." But in what kind of scenario would I really need a back up? Like if my prom date cancels? If I sold it I can't see people paying more than like $50-60 for it since it's so old, and that just seems like the wrong thing to do to an old friend.

To show the kind of attachment I get to these things, while cleaning I also found my old cel phone which was damaged in the great Gold Cup debacle of 2005. Really, why have I kept this thing for almost two years? It is quite obviously beyond help:

You'll also recall that last week I attempted to make guac in my new Cuisinart, and the rock hard craptacular avocados from Giant made me look like a damn fool. Yesterday, Roomie dropped into the Latino Market in Clarendon (she would) and found some perfectly squishy avocados so that I could try again. SUCCESS!

I make some damn good guacamole. I'll come straight out with it...I'm like the Vince Young of guacamole making. CMart's ex-girfriend used to talk about how great her guac was, and I watched her make it once...she used an f-ing packet of mix. That aint right. That just AINT right. I realized as I was making it that I'm not altogether sure what else I can use the Cuisinart for (I should have asked for the Magic Bullet. That sounded dirty didnt it?), so I should probably just rename my Cuisinart my GuacMachine.

Two paragraphs on making guacamole? Damn. This is a boring day.

OMG OMG OMG

2007-01-13T15:01:00.000-05:00

Vince Young sent me an email. I'm dead serious. See the evidence:

Who rules?

Since it's hard to read, I'll tell you that the subject line was "Israel, and will not be forgiven them, the Lord." Vince cares about my soul, and I appreciate that. I need a lot of people to care about my soul, and I think Vince is a good person to do that...he is Jesus's homeboy after all.

Scratch that

2007-01-11T23:20:00.000-05:00

I had a whole post written about how much I hate American Idol, but I decided that I complain too much. So here is something that I like:

Nicolas Cage has always been something/someone that I hate, so this craptacularness is extremely enjoyable. If only Helen Hunt were in this movie too!

I've been sick for almost two weeks now, and I'm finally swallowing my Steezer Pride and going to the doctor tomorrow. I'm having a dilemma about whether I should go to work at all, since I still plan to go to the gym at lunch before coming back and finishing another 30 minutes of "work" and then heading to the docmeister. My life is filled with difficult choices.

Oh yea, and OU sucks. In this instance I'm referring to basketball, since we play them on Saturday, but since Public Enemy #1 Adrian Peterson has declared for the draft, their suckage is now twofold.

Actually, a millionfold.

Dreamgirls

2007-01-10T16:35:00.000-05:00

The answer: The number there are in the universe
The question: How many stars would you give Dreamgirls?

So my obsession with this movie has been well documented. Because of a stupid family thing, I was unable to see it on Christmas Day. But before we headed up to my grandparent's farm I levied a harsh warning on the parentals: "If I have not seen Dreamgirls by the end of the day on Dec. 26, I will cut someone."

My parents have seen the way I react when Texas loses, and they didn't want me lashing out in front of the extended family that I never see, so they obliged. On Dec. 26 we drove an hour south to Plano and saw the movie. Then last nite, two weeks later, I saw it again. And probably sometime before February, I will see it again.

Folks, this movie is the sh*t. Seriously. It is. There are 5-6 moments when you want to jump out of your chair and applaud like you would if you were watching it in live theater. The first time I saw it, people may not have jumped up, but they did applaud...since there were only like 15 people in the theater last nite, not so much.

Instead of just saying here's why I like it, here's what other people have said, and why they're stupid:

"Dreamgirls, in its second half, turns to the tale of what happens to all of these people — and since they're archetypes more than individuals, the drama is a bit hollow." -Entertainment Weekly

A lot of people said the movie dragged in the second half. I went in prepared for that to happen, and it didn't. If anything, in the second half the audience becomes even more captivated. Any movement in the seats during the first part is completely quelled when Effie finishes singing "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going." I of course have a devotion to the original version of this song, but JHud raises the motherloving roof off it. And just when you're coming back down she kills "I Am Changing." And then you're thinking, "damn, does B get to kill it at all?" she does with "Listen." Literally, we left the theater dancing last nite.

"Jamie Foxx and Beyonce Knowles are largely wasted..." -Washington Post

A lot of people have said that JHud steals the show from Beyonce. Those people are douchetards. This movie would be a disaster if Beyonce stole the show. The story is about a great singer who is replaced by a less great singer in a girl group, and the fallout. What the f*ck movie would it be if Beyonce raised the roof on every song and suddenly you're like "Why is Effie all mad...she aint all that" and have no sympathy for the girl. So my girl B shows her chops by playing the role by showing that she's got the strength inside, she just hasn't released it yet. Do I think B should have been nominated for a Best Actress Golden Globe. No. This is Effie's movie, and JHud should have gotten that. Do I think B should have gotten a best SUPPORTING nomination. Hell to the yes.

As far as Jamie Foxx goes, I wish he had been meaner. I wanted the audience to hate him a lot more. Rest assured I wanted to cut a bitch when he tells B her voice has no personality. But he could have been meaner. Still, he's fine.

"...even if the songs themselves are kind of meh" -Slate

Dana Stevens, I'm looking you up in Bacons, finding your address and sending you a dead rabbit. You are dead to me. Go suck on rubber cement you f-ing idiot.

I'd keep going but I've decided to leave work. Later suckerrrrrs!!

Dreamgirls4eva

I think it's time

2007-01-09T13:27:00.000-05:00

Last year, about 30 days before the Greatest. Day. Ever. we had a dark day
in the land of longhorn. On the very same day, in the very same city, the
Texas basketball team got walloped by Duke, and Vince Young lost the
Heisman. For many of us leaving the Meadowlands in the afternoon, we were
shellshocked, having forgotten what it's like to lose. But we were bouyed by
cries "But we got Vince tonite." And then he lost too. It was
heartbreaking.

I don't want to discount what a great and well fought game last year's Rose
Bowl was, but I don't think anyone will question that Vince was the best
player on the field for either team, outshining not one but TWO Heisman
winners. People everywhere pontificated "if the Heisman ceremony were
today..." And it is absolutely true that if the Heisman ceremony had been
held Jan. 5, Vince Young would have another piece of hardware in his
closet.

The point I'm now getting to is this. Troy Smith looked like assholio last
nite. Seriously. People everywhere are already talking about how much his
draft stock was hurt. Less than 100 yards of total offense in a national
championship game? That's bush league, mister. So I have to wonder...if the
Heisman ceremony were held today, would Troy still win? I think the answer
is proooobably yes. If you're looking at the complete body of work, then by
all means he had the best overall season. But the Heisman isn't about the
best "overall season." If that were the case I think Vince WOULD have won
last year (no single player was more important to his team's success.
Period). If that were the case I think the other Colt from Hawaii would have
won this year. I don't think Brady Quinn would have been even invited to New
York.

I know giving awards is a fickle business, but don't you think just maaaybe
they should be handed out after the season is completely done? Just look at
the whole Romoiasco. That beeyotch aint got no bizness in the Pro Bowl. And
though Troy Smith may have had a great season, I don't think he's worthy of
the life-long distinction he'll carry with him as a Heisman-trophy winner.
So do the honorable thing and just send it to Vince. Thank you.

For real though, how ridiculous was that game? Boring boring boring, and
for the exact opposite reason I had predicted!? I'm starting to wonder about
the Big 10's reeeeal strength this season. Their two top teams both got
taken out back, knocked around and then knocked up. I mean, it was just
uggos. I'm not happy Florida won because of the whole "fatpants" situation
(as Sally referred to it). But I can't exactly be sad about OSU losing
either, since they are such trashy fans. What really makes me sad is that
our reign as champs is over. It's depressing when I read comments on other
blogs from Florida fans...how excited and incredulous they are. I miss that
feeling. Come on Basketball team! Help me out!!

Tell 'em get the bottles popping when they play my song

2007-01-08T11:29:00.000-05:00

Helloooooo. First and foremost, the promised pictures:

From my actual birthday (Courtesy of Sassafrass)

From my DC birthday celebration/Rose Bowl anniversary (Courtesy of Heathpie)

Surprisingly, the ones from last week are a lot worse. I'll probably remove these links in the near future, so get yer fill while you can.

I've always said that I'll watch just about any sport in the playoffs (this used to extend to hockey too, but that aint true anymore). So this weekend I found myself on the couch still trying to recover from my cold and watching the Cowboys play. I have NEVER been a Cowboys fan. Ever. My whole family is from Dallas, so I was always the bratty niece who cheered against them to tick off my uncles. They've gotten me back in recent years by cheering against the Longhorns, and frankly, I don't know how they managed to not pop me in the jaw all those years ago. The Cowboys are kind of like the NFL version of Notre Dame...supposedly "America's Team." The Romosexual gets the start and has a couple good games, and somehow that earns him a trip to the Pro Bowl. And as soooooon as the Romosteria hits a high note, dude starts to suh-uck. To me, it's just Romolarity.

By now you know what happened on Saturday nite. I had the game on in the corner of the screen on PIP because I figured it was all but done. Watching it on the little tiny square I thought maybe they'd tried to fake it, which would have been the dumbest play call in the world. But no. The snap got Romoed and the Cowboys were sent back to losertown. I did feel bad for the guy as he sat with his head buried in his hands...I also really wished I had High Def so I could see if he was crying. If you missed it, here's a reenactment, courtesy of Deadspin:

That video brings me to my second point of the day: I've decided against my better judgement to cheer for OSU. The guy in that video is wearing Florida pajama pants. It's bad enough that you filmed yourself in your room reenacting that moment (and misspelled reinactment)...you're wearing Gator pjs and playing with a stuffed football your mommy probably gave you. Why don't you just go and date Pants and spawn loser children? For Chrissakes.

I think tonite is going to be an OSU blowout. The one thing I absolutely do NOT want is for it to be a close one with any spectacular individual performances (ala Vince Motherf*cking Young last year). I want VY's performance to be the only one people talk about for YEARS to come. I know they will talk about it but I don't want it to become "Remember VY in 2006...remember so-and-so who sucks in 2007...remember your mom in 2008."

I think the over/under on number of couches set afire in Columbusterville if the Bucknuts win is 25. I'll take the over. Remember, the school administration declared the fans had behaved well after the Michigan game because there had been only 40 arrests. Though their sportsmanship campaign is called "Best Damn Fans in the Land" I'd say it's more like "Best Damn Fans Within Two Blocks of the Shoe."

And finally, any and all people celebrating in the Phoenix area tonite should beware of Matt Leinart. Apparently doing it with Paris didn't make his junk sufficiently grimey, so now he's getting his Romo on with Britney. That should make it fall off so he can no longer impregnate female basketball players.

WHY?

2007-01-06T20:01:00.000-05:00

Why, Whole Foods, do you not put out snacks on the weekend anymore? My Saturday/Sunday routine used to involve grazing through your cheeses and fruits on my way home from the gym. For like the last four months I'm forced to look like a homeless person as I make a lap around only to find there aint nothing to eat. Bad form. Austin would be ashamed.

Why, Bravo, are you showing "Waterworld" tonite? I realize it's a Saturday nite, and I should be "out" but I still feel like shit. And I want to watch one of your many quality programs, and instead you're showing me one of Kevin Costner's worst movies? And since all Kevin Costner movies are shitty, being the shit of the shit is a fate worse than having a girl claim a guy got her pregnant even though he's never slept with her (ahem).

Why, Giant, are you even bothering to sell avocados? I'm all amped up to use my new Cuisinart to make some f-ing guac, and the best ones I can find are still like rubber balls. You can mess with me when it comes to a lot of things, but DO NOT MESS WITH ME AND MY TEX MEX.

Why did I forget what a good movie "Go" is? I feel bad now complaining about the whole "Waterworld" situation.

100 Things Continued

2007-01-04T17:21:00.001-05:00

Chapter Three: Vincent

It seems appropriate to write about him on this day of days for Longhorn fans. Vince is a legend to us. Amotherf*cking legend. And I'm continuing to be conVINCEd he's going to be a legend in the NFL as well. Sunday, thankfully, the Titans/Patriots game was on local tv so I could watch it in my pjs. It was VY v. DT. Going into the day there was a list of four things that had to happen for the Titans to get into the playoffs. It was a longshot, but a lot more of a shot than anyone would have predicted the Titans would have before the season, or even five games into the season.

It turned out to be a sickening day. Vince wasn't phenomenal (for the first time ever!), and the team lost (to a very good New England team of course). I can take the loss, because man alive did Mr. Young have a great first season (ROY bitches!). What made me sick was that the other three things that had to happen...did. I have never cheered harder for any team then I did for those Denver Broncos. PLEASE win so Vince doesn't feel so bad. It had been heartbreaking
to watch him sit on the bench at the end of his game with his head in his hands. It wasn't a Vince any of us are used to seeing, and it's one I hope I never see again. Vince wants to win, and he usually wills himself and his teammates to win. The Vince I know (and who loves me) will remember what he felt like sitting on that bench and that he will work even harder to avoid being there again.

I posted a while back a comment I heard Steve Young make on ESPN. Something to effect of "who cares if Vince Young is a winner?" It was his way of joining the chorus saying that our boy doesn't have "talent"...that he's not a prototypical qb. AGAIN this weekend I heard an announcer or someone say that the NFL prognosticators are going to start having to consider "is a winner" when they are evaluating players. I ask again...why is this a surprise? Don't you want someone on your team who IS A WINNER? Isn't the point of competing to have a winner and loser? Am I missing something?

Anyways, Vince is done for now, but I have to say, he took us on another fantastic ride. I love this man.

Chapter Four: Bowl Day

In a moment of pure stupidity, I had my parents book my trip back to DC for the biggest bowl day of the year. Doh!!! It wasn't as bad as I thought though... I got to see pretty much all of the Cotton Bowl and enough of the Gator Bowl. The one big game I was going to miss was the Rose Bowl so I had my roomie record it for me, and I then hoped and hoped that it wouldnt get
ruined for me.

I had an hour+ in Hotlanta and got to see the end of the 2nd and beginning of the 3rd. Great timing that for most of the time I was sitting there the game was at half time but whatevs. Did anyone else notice how freaking short Doug Flutie is? He was DWARFED by Craig James and whoever else was with him. I was embarassed for him and for his wife. I bet the guy who sent him a threatening note earlier this year after he jinxed Texas knew how small he was and was confident he could take him. Shit, I think I could take him!

When I finally got home, I caught up with Roomie and then flipped on the RB. For some reason our TV was f-ed up and it recorded the game without sound. Undeterred, I sat and watched the second half in silence. Or at least most of it until it got stupid. I have to imagine that I sounded like I had Tourettes or something yelling "F*CK YOU DWAYNE JARRETT!!" every five seconds even though it sounded like no TV was on. I really hate that guy. But I'll love
him if the Titans draft him!!

Anyways, after the game got stupid I turned it off and thought...hmmm...I wonder if OU Sucks is still on. Fourth quarter was just beginning, and as mentioned earlier, it was an AMAZING quarter of football.

(Even though these games did not occur on Bowl Day, they bare mentioning) I tried to watch Louisville/Wake but I was in a Tylenol Multi-Sympton Pill induced coma. But no pill was going to keep me from seeing ND/LSU. I'm pretty sure I read on Deadspin yesterday that ND was an 8 point favorite. Even if they were an 8 point underdogg, that's money I should have put down!!

ND's inclusion in this bowl was absolute bullsh*t. The got shellacked by USC and Michigan, and nearly (VERY NEARLY) lost to UCLA and Michigan State. I hope they are embarassed. What's even MORE embarassing is that they have now lost NINE straight bowl games. Read that number again...NINE. What a nightmare. Brady Quinn looked like ass, and that squealing sound you heard was his draft stock plummeting. Someone said something (my attention to detail is astounding) about him playing in Detroit next year. God I hope not. I don't want that weasely looking nerdbomb throwing to Roy. What's even more appalling to me is that some other idiot said at half time that "Brady Quinn was on fire" and that "Notre Dame is dominating the game offensively." I attribute this mediocrity and stupidity to the fact that all the BCS games were on Fox (except the Rose so that ABC/ESPN can continue to salivate over Pete Carroll and USC), which hasn't aired a SINGLE college game all year. How is "Brady Quinn on fire" when you keep talking about how they've turned to the running game? IDIOTS.

Okay, that's all from me. Tonite is bday party number deuce, and it's time to take off this sweater and get ho-y. Peace out.

The most incredible 10 minutes of football I've ever seen

2007-01-04T00:37:00.000-05:00

Since Vincey in the Rose Bowl of course.

The look of disgust on the faces of those OU fans is like Christmas morning.

100 Things

2007-01-03T23:36:00.000-05:00

For the last four days I've found myself saying "don't forget to blog about x." So here it is: a blog entry about ecstacy. Actually since I can't even figure out how to spell it, obviously that's a bad joke. But there HAVE been a hundred things worthy of my dry wit and sensational humor, and unfortunately I've had no time and little internet connectivity.

Chapter One: The Birthday
I have a time-honored birthday tradition: go hard or go home. And hopefully, if you go home, you don't go home alone. For the last four years now, I have had some very outrageous birthday celebrations on my actual birthday. In more recent years I've developed a second birthday tradition called "If Jesus can do it, I can too" in which I celebrate my birth for the entire month, and into January (until the three kings arrive with more presents).

This year was slightly different from years past in that I celebrated in San Antonio and not Austin (only because the Alamo Bowl was the next day). I spent a nice loverly day with Sass and Ms. Case looking at wedding and bridesmaid dresses. FTP came over, and the four of us plus my parentals headed to dinner at a place I picked for it's name alone: Rita's on the River. Gotta love a pun. Ritas served margaritas in two sizes: regular and Texas-size. Since it was my birthday, I went Texas-size. Pictures are coming, but I literally think the city of Abilene (or Tuscola...) could have fit in that glass. I kept drinking and sharing and it never seemed to go down. Awesome.

After dinner we said goodbye to the parentals, and headed to a place I've always wanted to go to: Howl at the Moon. I didn't realize this until we got inside, but it's a piano bar, which is always nice and x-rated. As we showed the bouncer ids, some dude walks up and takes Sass's and is fooling around like "this doesn't look like you, blah-de-blah." She plays along and he says, "you look familar." This is where I chimed in, "she's an actress." He asks what she's been in, and I said, "I don't know if you've heard of a little film called 'Titanic.'" (This is a story we were able to maintain all nite, and Sass danced many a third class jig with many a man. It stil makes me laugh when I think about it.Guys are such idiots.)

As we start to walk in, a girl yells after us "It's $10 each." Before I could say "WTF I'M OUT OF HERE" Our new friend says he's got us covered. We all say thanks and he tells us he's part owner and he needs us to do a favor. Apparently that favor was letting him buy us a round. BEST FAVOR EVER.

When we walked into the main room, an undeniable stench hit us: Iowa fans. Apparently they'd had a pep rally there earlier, and the place was FILLED with Hawkeyes. The first thing FTP pointed out was that it meant I could get drunk and have people to yell at. That's a top five birthday present right there. As we scoped out the room, Sass, KC and I were transported back in time to our 2002 trip to Nebraska. On this trip we all agreed on one thing: Midwestern boys are hottt. You'll note that Iowa is in the midwest. So the answer to your qwestion is that yes I found some man candy, and yes I took him to the San Antonio version of Montgomery Corner. But no I didn't slut it up with him because I had to call my mom, the reverend, to come pick us up. Trust me...there is nothing less hot than saying "sorry, gotta go. my mom's out front in her Nissan Altima."

Chapter Two: The Alamo Bowl

I was plenty intoxercated on my bday, but surprisingly unhungover on gameday. We got downtown about 2 hours before gametime and wandered around the fan fest. KC's boyfriend played any of game where he could "throw shit," (shit being figurative as there was no actual dung available). Our seats were not half bad (again, lots of pics coming later), and I was thankfully able to sell our extra ticket almost immediately.

The game is old news now so I won't really bore you with details. The first quarter of the game I was not having fun. In fact, I wasn't quite sure how we were able to get to half time and only be down by 4. Of course the ineligible receiver call was the game changer. We go from being maybe down 21-3 to being within four. Ubelieveable play by Mr. Aaron Ross. Later in the game when he fumbled the return (You gotta hold it like a baaaaaby!) some douche sitting down the row from us yelled "Aaron Ross YOU SUCK!" I almost, ALMOST yelled back "No, YOU SUCK!" I don't care who you are, if you know one spit about Texas you know that Aaron Ross, Thorpe Award winner, most definitely does NOT suck. Douchetard.

The Alamodome has been abandoned by the Spurs, and is mostly used now for high school foozball games, concerts, and horseshows. I don't really know if the Alamodome staff knew that a major college bowl game was about to be played there. First, the toliets on our side were not flushing. So going into the restroom was like going to a portapotty. But in a porta- at least it's hard to see the presents others have left. There's no hiding it in a regular toliet. Disgusting. Later, Sass's fiancee (which I do love saying) went to get Nachos. Almost an entire quarter later he comes back with stale chips and five jalapenos. Ridick.

As we know now, Texas won. Yeeeeeah. The fireworks and balloons were quite comparable to the confetti that fell in Pasadena last year. Not.

Coming tomorrow:
Chapter Three: Vince
Chapter Four: Bowl Day (alternate title: F*ck you Dwayne Jarrett)

The legend continues

2007-01-03T13:13:00.000-05:00

VINCE YOUNG IS YOUR 2006 NFL OFFENSIVE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR

I'm shocked. Just simply shocked. No, not that Vince won, but that Reggie Bush only got three votes. I thought he was sleeping with at least 15 members of the voting community. He must not be very good in bed.

Vince Young for president in 2008!

Do you ever feel like your brain is coming out of your ears?

2007-01-02T18:10:00.000-05:00

That's how I feel. Steez came back to D.C. sick as a dogg. I've been working on a massive post, but I'm too ill to finish it. Please...bare with me through these dark hours.