HEISGIRL: Fodder From a Female Football Fan

Living every week like it's Shark Week.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Tell 'em get the bottles popping when they play my song

Helloooooo. First and foremost, the promised pictures:

From my actual birthday (Courtesy of Sassafrass)

From my DC birthday celebration/Rose Bowl anniversary (Courtesy of Heathpie)

Surprisingly, the ones from last week are a lot worse. I'll probably remove these links in the near future, so get yer fill while you can.

I've always said that I'll watch just about any sport in the playoffs (this used to extend to hockey too, but that aint true anymore). So this weekend I found myself on the couch still trying to recover from my cold and watching the Cowboys play. I have NEVER been a Cowboys fan. Ever. My whole family is from Dallas, so I was always the bratty niece who cheered against them to tick off my uncles. They've gotten me back in recent years by cheering against the Longhorns, and frankly, I don't know how they managed to not pop me in the jaw all those years ago. The Cowboys are kind of like the NFL version of Notre Dame...supposedly "America's Team." The Romosexual gets the start and has a couple good games, and somehow that earns him a trip to the Pro Bowl. And as soooooon as the Romosteria hits a high note, dude starts to suh-uck. To me, it's just Romolarity.

By now you know what happened on Saturday nite. I had the game on in the corner of the screen on PIP because I figured it was all but done. Watching it on the little tiny square I thought maybe they'd tried to fake it, which would have been the dumbest play call in the world. But no. The snap got Romoed and the Cowboys were sent back to losertown. I did feel bad for the guy as he sat with his head buried in his hands...I also really wished I had High Def so I could see if he was crying. If you missed it, here's a reenactment, courtesy of Deadspin:



That video brings me to my second point of the day: I've decided against my better judgement to cheer for OSU. The guy in that video is wearing Florida pajama pants. It's bad enough that you filmed yourself in your room reenacting that moment (and misspelled reinactment)...you're wearing Gator pjs and playing with a stuffed football your mommy probably gave you. Why don't you just go and date Pants and spawn loser children? For Chrissakes.

I think tonite is going to be an OSU blowout. The one thing I absolutely do NOT want is for it to be a close one with any spectacular individual performances (ala Vince Motherf*cking Young last year). I want VY's performance to be the only one people talk about for YEARS to come. I know they will talk about it but I don't want it to become "Remember VY in 2006...remember so-and-so who sucks in 2007...remember your mom in 2008."

I think the over/under on number of couches set afire in Columbusterville if the Bucknuts win is 25. I'll take the over. Remember, the school administration declared the fans had behaved well after the Michigan game because there had been only 40 arrests. Though their sportsmanship campaign is called "Best Damn Fans in the Land" I'd say it's more like "Best Damn Fans Within Two Blocks of the Shoe."

And finally, any and all people celebrating in the Phoenix area tonite should beware of Matt Leinart. Apparently doing it with Paris didn't make his junk sufficiently grimey, so now he's getting his Romo on with Britney. That should make it fall off so he can no longer impregnate female basketball players.

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