HEISGIRL: Fodder From a Female Football Fan

Living every week like it's Shark Week.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Phat Camp

Me and Sally hit a couple house parties last nite while a house party was going on at my house. Did that make sense? I don't care. After more bloodys at brunch I came home and let the delayed hangover settle in. Roomie's first words to me were "wow, you really look like shit."

Anyways, I was happy to find that MTV was showing their documentary "Fat Camp." I've seen it several times and it just keeps getting more awesome. Teenagers are so cool. The only thing cooler than teenagers are fat teenagers at fat camp. Yea, okay, that was a little mean, but I feel like shit so I can be as mean as I want. SUCK IT.

As I watched it, I started to think (just like Carrie Bradshaw!) that it would be awesome to have a Phat Camp. If you saw the types of people that were at Saint Ex this morning, you would totally agree with me. Here is a sampling of things I would teach people at Phat Camp:

1. You can have a backpack. You can have a purse. But you cannot have a backpack purse. If you do, I will kill you.

2. If you're trying to get the attention of a group of girls, you can yell "Ya'll are a bunch of hot bitches" and get a response...but it's probably not the response you want.

3. Take a moment every day to tell Jesus how thankful you are for Beyonce. Thank him for making her both beautiful and talented. Repeat a second time substituting Justin Timberlake for Beyonce.

4. Despite what Greg Kinnear says in the bullshit Best Picture Oscar contender "Little Miss Sunshine," sarcasm is NOT the refuge of losers. Sarcasm is awesome. The only people who don't like sarcasm are people who are too dumb to get it. Those people will never be extended an invitation to Phat Camp. We don't have time for stupid people.

5. Pop your collar and I'll pop a cap.

8 Comments:

At 11:48 PM , Anonymous Nuts said...

Wait ... yelling out "ya'll are a bunch of hot bitches" wont work? No matter how much I have had to drink? Back to my old standby: Hey baby, drop that zero and get with the hero!

 
At 10:55 AM , Blogger Steezy said...

Actually, it might work if you were driving a nice car and/or looked like Brad Pitt. I am indeed that shallow.

 
At 3:41 PM , Anonymous Nuts said...

That is why I defend multinational corporations against the tyranny of orphans with diseases "caused" by the chemicals that accidentally appeared in the drinking water.

 
At 4:25 PM , Blogger Steezy said...

Good for you. Oh wait, I mean: Good for you?

 
At 7:38 PM , Anonymous Nuts said...

Well it certainly isnt good for the orphans.

 
At 9:25 PM , Anonymous Sally said...

Orphans: who needs 'em? Children are such a drain on society, and poor children are like, industrial-sized drains.

 
At 9:56 PM , Blogger Steezy said...

To poor people I say: Get some money! Get a job! Geez!

To orphans I say: Quit crying and get some g-d parents. I got some! I didn't even have to try!

 
At 11:29 PM , Anonymous Nuts said...

Lest we forget they are orphans for a reason ... God hates them!

 

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