HEISGIRL: Fodder From a Female Football Fan

Living every week like it's Shark Week.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007


The answer: The number there are in the universe
The question: How many stars would you give Dreamgirls?

So my obsession with this movie has been well documented. Because of a stupid family thing, I was unable to see it on Christmas Day. But before we headed up to my grandparent's farm I levied a harsh warning on the parentals: "If I have not seen Dreamgirls by the end of the day on Dec. 26, I will cut someone."

My parents have seen the way I react when Texas loses, and they didn't want me lashing out in front of the extended family that I never see, so they obliged. On Dec. 26 we drove an hour south to Plano and saw the movie. Then last nite, two weeks later, I saw it again. And probably sometime before February, I will see it again.

Folks, this movie is the sh*t. Seriously. It is. There are 5-6 moments when you want to jump out of your chair and applaud like you would if you were watching it in live theater. The first time I saw it, people may not have jumped up, but they did applaud...since there were only like 15 people in the theater last nite, not so much.

Instead of just saying here's why I like it, here's what other people have said, and why they're stupid:

"Dreamgirls, in its second half, turns to the tale of what happens to all of these people — and since they're archetypes more than individuals, the drama is a bit hollow." -Entertainment Weekly

A lot of people said the movie dragged in the second half. I went in prepared for that to happen, and it didn't. If anything, in the second half the audience becomes even more captivated. Any movement in the seats during the first part is completely quelled when Effie finishes singing "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going." I of course have a devotion to the original version of this song, but JHud raises the motherloving roof off it. And just when you're coming back down she kills "I Am Changing." And then you're thinking, "damn, does B get to kill it at all?" she does with "Listen." Literally, we left the theater dancing last nite.

"Jamie Foxx and Beyonce Knowles are largely wasted..." -Washington Post

A lot of people have said that JHud steals the show from Beyonce. Those people are douchetards. This movie would be a disaster if Beyonce stole the show. The story is about a great singer who is replaced by a less great singer in a girl group, and the fallout. What the f*ck movie would it be if Beyonce raised the roof on every song and suddenly you're like "Why is Effie all mad...she aint all that" and have no sympathy for the girl. So my girl B shows her chops by playing the role by showing that she's got the strength inside, she just hasn't released it yet. Do I think B should have been nominated for a Best Actress Golden Globe. No. This is Effie's movie, and JHud should have gotten that. Do I think B should have gotten a best SUPPORTING nomination. Hell to the yes.

As far as Jamie Foxx goes, I wish he had been meaner. I wanted the audience to hate him a lot more. Rest assured I wanted to cut a bitch when he tells B her voice has no personality. But he could have been meaner. Still, he's fine.

"...even if the songs themselves are kind of meh" -Slate

Dana Stevens, I'm looking you up in Bacons, finding your address and sending you a dead rabbit. You are dead to me. Go suck on rubber cement you f-ing idiot.

I'd keep going but I've decided to leave work. Later suckerrrrrs!!



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