HEISGIRL: Fodder From a Female Football Fan

Living every week like it's Shark Week.

Sunday, December 10, 2006


Holy fucking Christ.

That's what Vince Young is. He's the second coming. I don't think any fan of Texas would disagree. And if they did, I'd slit their throats and break their tibias.

This morning I went to my friendly neighborhood attorney's choir concert at the Natl Gallery. I texted the Bear, who I knew was at work, to see if he'd like to take a break for a late lunch to catch at least some of the Texans/Titans game at ESPN Zone. He was, of course, thrilled.

Not that I should be surprised, but ESPN Zone was on a 75 minute wait, and told me they were not showing Vince on ANY of the screens. Mark this as the last time I EVER go to ESPN Zone. Bear and I roll over to the bar that took the place of Coyote Ugly. I only agreed to go because it was still light outside. We walk in and they don't have the game on. When we ask they say that their tvs are wired badly and in order to change one tv, it changes 3, so we're basically s-o-l. Sometimes I dont know why baby jesus hates me.

Not wanting to move again, we decided to stay and settle for game updates. About the same time, CBS showed an extended shot of David Thomas, and my nethers twittered just like they always do.

So after about 45 minutes, a guy in the corner leaves, and the barkeep tells us he can hook us up on that tv. There were 2 minutes left. And you know what that means....Vincent Young time baby!!!

First off, the Texans were pansies to run out the clock. I won't pretend to agree with that decision. Second, I hate the NFL overtime rules. It usually comes down to who wins the coin toss, and I just think that's crap.

On 3rd and 14, Bear said, "What do you think? VY scramble for 15 yards?" and I said, "sounds about right to me." I don't need to say what happened. What I do need to say is that I think the last time I felt that kind of elation was Jan 4, 2006. I had really hoped the game would be a blow out, but I don't think a better ending could have been scripted. And Vince was just so happy. I wanted to run up and hug him myself (and maybe more). At one point he pointed to the turf and yelled something, and I have to believe he was saying "YOU COULD HAVE HAD ME BITCHES!!!"

At this point, Bear and I were literally the only two people still in the bar (yeah, that place has a GREAT chance of surviving...especially considering the owner told us they didn't toss two people last nite that were having sex in a bathroom stall. You can stay if you're getting your swirl on, but not if you're peeing in the stairwell. That aint right!). We continued to scream and high five and explain how Vince Young was our baby daddy (okay, maybe just mine). The announcer said "this guy just refuses to lose." And ultimately, that's what it comes down to. Talk to me about his mechanics and all that other bullshit. But when the game is on the line, there is no person I'd rather have behind center. He refuses to lose. I think that's the one element that was missing from our team this year. I used to find myself muttering "on your shoulders, Vince" a lot last year, without really thinking about it. And VInce put us on his shoulders without really thinking about it. And it was a damn good ride.


Now I have to get ready for ANOTHER goddam holiday party. Nothing to wear. I need a personal dresser. Peace out bitches.


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