HEISGIRL: Fodder From a Female Football Fan

Living every week like it's Shark Week.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Steezer needs a new boo

This post is way late, considering there are only 3-4 games left, but Steezer needs a new boy (pronounced bo-eeeeee; usually is heard screamed "that's my bo-eeeee," or "that's her bo-eeeee"). My boy history:

2000-2002, Michael Ungar
I could write a whole post (probably a whole novel) on my love for that guy and our history. Everybody these days says "oh yeah, Ungar was great, I loved him too." No you didn't. I WAS HIS NUMBER ONE FAN AND HE KNEW IT. He did. He knew it. If I wasn't around when my friends ran in to him, he'd ask about me. He was invited to my going away party before my intern semester and when I got back, he asked me how it went. Even his freaking girlfriend knew me. Probably because my name was on the restraining order. Also, his number was 29, and my birthday is Dec. 29. HELLO! IT WAS FATE!!!

2003-2005, David Thomas
In 2002, DT caught his first touchdown pass versus UNC. I was at a friend's place watching the game, and when the announcer said his name we were all like "did he just say the name of the Wendy's guy?" Not long after that DT had another big play, and I realized this guy was going to be big time. And oh dear was he. Two words: Rose Bowl. Re-watch that game and see just how clutch he was. As previously mentioned, I stalk him through his new wife on facebook. She better not break his heart.

So that brings me to today. I've had a few candidates, and I just can't seem to pick. The main criteria is that he be super clutch but also kind of unheralded. There are people like Colt and Limas and Chuckles who obviously everyone loves, but I need someone that I can own. Someone who people will know is mine. It would also be helpful if he was young so that I dont have to go through this process again for a few years.

For a while, Aaron Ross (aka AARON FUCKING ROSS) was the frontrunner, but he's off the table now...he's too big time and too hoss. Michael Griffin belongs to FTP, and I will also give her access to Brian Robision (aka Honorary Black Man). Here are the current front runners:

Jermichael Finley (aka Jermajesty, aka JMike, aka "what number does he wear!? 1-6!")
It helps that he wears #16 and is open about the fact that he is DT's protege. I was all ready to give him the title when the season started, but he was non-existent until 3-4 games in. Now he's got some rapport with Coltski, even catching the td record breaker. Me likey. Only drawback...it might just be too easy.

Jordan Shipley (aka Casper)
Of course this dude was the most talked about dude on the team because he was injured for so long. Lots of expectations, and then injury. More expectations, more injury. Boooo. The first time he caught a ball, we all erupted. Now he seems to be the go-to guy when we need a big flashy play, and the crowd loves him. Which again makes me not want to pick him. But damn it do I love cheering for him.

Hunter Lawrence
First, he's from Boerne (B-O-E-R-N-E bitches). Second, I dont know if you saw that hit he leveled yesterday, but that was money. I think Ryan Bailey (our hero) has won peoples hearts, but I've just got a feeling about Hunter. A tingling if you will. Plus I'm super over Greg the Leg. Problem: who gets hyped about a kicker?

Having written it out now, I think I've gotta go with Jermajesty. Plus when I say it in my head (or when I picture Sally saying it) I always laugh. So congratulations sir. Don't let me down.


At 6:45 PM , Anonymous Sally said...

Jermajesty is truly a worthy idol. I get Colt, obviously, because of many reasons (I'm the only person who knows where Tuscola is located and can find Jim Ned High School without a map).

At 1:23 PM , Anonymous PB @ BON said...

Why not scoop up Sergio Kindle before the train gets full? That guy is going to be a B-E-A-S-T. Count on it.


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