HEISGIRL: Fodder From a Female Football Fan

Living every week like it's Shark Week.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Oh balls!

I'm really immature. At the driving range on Sunday I giggled every time someone said anything about balls. This is not a surprise to anyone.

Anyhoot, earlier FattyDave sent a link to a party the Aggies are having this week in Austin called the Maroon and White Ball. The ball they're refering to is not a dance, but rather the kind of ball that induces me to giggle. Those Aggies...they're so original.


In May, FTP invited a gang of us to attend a Montana State Society event called "Testicle Festival" that her company had bought a bunch of tickets for. It's a big annual event for the society to raise money for some charity or something...I'd have to go back and look at the t-shirt to figure out which. Apparently cow balls are delicacies to people in Montana. That is really not shocking coming from a state that kept Crazy 'Ol Coot Conrad Burns in office for so long.

Now you might be asking yourself why I'd attend a festival of testicles. The answer is usually the same: open bar.

The party itself sucked. This local country western singer was performing (the only thing worse than Pat Green/Cory Morrow is a wanna-be Pat Green/Cory Morrow) and apparently when the Montana State Society says "open bar" they mean Coors Light and Crown Royal. But I have to say that if you're only going to serve one variety of liquor, Crown is not a bad way to go.

The nite before this "glorious" evening I'd been in P'Burgh for bizness, and had not had a substantial meal since a late lunch at a Dairy Queen somewhere in Pennsylvania. But I thought "surely they'll have more than just balls to offer their guests." And they did have more than balls...they also had some delicious trail mix (but there were no nuts in the trail mix...get it!? nuts!? I'm such a cleverkin!). Yes, it was one of "those" nites. FTP somehow got separated from the rest of us, who ended up at Silver Diner to get real food, and I sort of remember picking a fight with her. It's so much fun to do when she can't make a coherent argument.

On my way back from PA earlier in the day I'd talked to someone on the phone about the event and he said, "I'm not eating any balls." My response: "I guarantee you that someone in our party will consume a testicle." My co-worker who was driving threatened to write that down and post it on my office door, which I actually would have been okay with. Anyways, as expected a member of our party did in fact consume a ball. That person shall remain nameless.

Now to my point. The Montana State Soceity served the "rocky mountain oysters" as a tribute to their heritage, and to give their members a little taste of home. Seems like the Aggies are doing it to somehow hurt our feelings that they're consuming the man-hood of our beloved mascot. I can appreciate them wanting to make a statement, but I'm thankful that I attend a school where making a statement involves lighting a hex candle and not eating balls.



At 1:38 PM , Anonymous dave said...

I'm fucking famous.


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