HEISGIRL: Fodder From a Female Football Fan

Living every week like it's Shark Week.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Random Topic Tuesday

For the first issue of this hopefully regular feature: toliet seat covers.

My office suite does not have its own bathrooms, so we share four with the rest of the floor (side note: you need a key to get into the ladies room, but not into the mens room. This means that virtually anytime I want I could walk in and see pickles and onions). Some people I work with were initially bothered by this because "the people who work for the federal government are often weird and/or sketchy." I find this hilarious because it's coming from people who work in museums...those people aren't awkward or questionably hygenic at all. No ma'am. But I digress.

Today I walked into one of the stalls and found on the seat a leftover toliet seat cover. Someone used it and then neglected to flush it away. Now, I don't use toliet seat covers except in x-treme situations, which usually involve the Port Authority bus terminal in New York. Our floor's bathrooms are cleaned twice a day, and for the most part only the people I work with use the one in the back corner. So is a toliet seat cover absolutely necessary? Really? You're telling me that you simply CANNOT be forced to share my butt germs? Nevermind that you grab the toliet seat cover from a box that has been touched (presumably with hands) by other germaphobes. So instead of your butt germs meeting my butt germs, someone elses hand germs are meeting your butt germs. That seems much worse.

(Another sidenote: Above, I really just wanted to see how many times I could say butt germs in a single paragraph)

Back to my story for today: I walked into the stall and there is a used seat cover. Generally when I go to the bathroom, the last thing I'm thinking about is the last person who was in there. I sit down and do what I have to. But when I saw that today, sitting down on it obviously out of the question, I started wondering who had been there last. What were their goals in life? Do they dream in color? Do they (as asked on Laguna Beach) live and and do they love? After about 1.2 seconds, I grabbed a tissue, pushed it in the toliet, flushed it away and waved bye-bye. Ultimately I was at risk of contracting fewer butt germs (another one! haha!) from the crinkly tissue paper then from sitting on the toliet. But that just seemed kinda kinky and wrong. It was a weird moment of self-realization. It only lasted for a moment though because I really had to go.

Update: Having just re-read this entry, I may now understand why I'm presently single. It's because I'm weird, huh?


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