HEISGIRL: Fodder From a Female Football Fan

Living every week like it's Shark Week.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Will Not Attend


In November, I have been invited to two weddings on consecutive weekends...one for a friend's colleague in up-state NY, and one in the D-sizzle for a jerk head who went to UVA (kidding). On those two weekends Texas plays OK State and Kansas State, two teams that pretty much suck, but still. My point is this: why are you scheduling your f-ing weddings during college football season (read SI story here)!?

I hate to not go to someone's wedding because it interferes with a Texas game. I mean, that's just wrong. But at the same time, the thought of missing two Texas games in a row makes me sick to my stomach. I dont remember the last time I've missed a game. Last year, while tailgating in State College we were able to convince the group next to us to tune into the Texas/Baylor game since there was nothing else good on. That is the level of my dedication...I will subject strangers who are probably still sober to a 63-0 whooping.

I would also feel really bad if I did not go to wedding #1 only to have the Texas game scheduled for the morning (as it stands, the wedding is at 3:30, which I have a problem with for different reasons).

This whole scenario goes back to my X-TREME superstitiousness. I listen to the same song before every game ("We Ready" by Archie). I sit at the same table (when I didn't last year, we were losing to Aggie until I planted myself at my regular table with a nice looking young man and his pops, explaining that if I didnt sit there we were gonna lose). Last year I wore a new burnt orange shirt that said "I'm Mack Brown Bitch!" to the Texas/OK State game, and after going down by a million at half time, I took it off and we won (and I now wear that shirt only to bed during the offseason). I seriously play an important role in the karmic universe. And by god, if I miss those two games and we lose one of them (impossible I realize) I will feel like it's my fault. And goddam it I can't deal with that.

I'd also feel as though I'd lost the right to refer to myself as Texas' biggest fan. People at Rhodeside would know I hadn't been there and would look at me different, with less respect. The team back in Austin would not sense my eyes on them and would underperform and feel sad. I can't deal with this. I just can't.

For the love of God, people reading this: DO NOT INVITE ME TO YOUR WEDDING IF IT'S BETWEEN SEPT AND DECEMBER. Don't put me through this sort of torment ever again.

1 Comments:

At 11:08 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

STEPHANIE!!! YOU ARE BAD LUCK!!! TAKE OFF THAT SHIRT RIGHT NOW, AND I'M GOING TO SWITCH TO SHINER, AND PUT MY HAIR IN A SIDE PONYTAIL SO WE CAN WIN!!!

 

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